Forgive and Forget?

Category: Soul, Heart

Forgiving involves a singular decision of the will by which you consider another person no longer indebted to you. Tom Eliff, The Red Feather

I remember several years ago when my father-in-law bought a brand new truck for his plumbing business. As soon as he brought it home from the dealer he picked up a long metal pipe and instead of gently placing it in the back of the truck he intentionally slid it in so as to create a long scratch down the bed. I was astonished. When I asked him why he did that he said it was because it was a work truck.

It is impossible to go through life without getting scratched up. We may enter this world shiny and new with a world of opportunity before us but before long we are scratched, bruised and dinged up by the people we encounter. Even the people who love us.

Where there are people there are problems.

Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. Therefore, forgiveness is a requirement of life. What becomes more difficult is determining when to offer the gift of forgiveness and to whom.

There are certain people who need forgiveness:

1. Those who unintentionally harm us.

Sometimes people offend or harm us but do not intend to. An innocent mistake should be forgiven.

2. Those who intentionally harm us with small offenses and do or do not ask for forgiveness.

Occasionally, we all do things that we wish we could take back. Little, stupid things that in the grand scheme of things are not a big deal. These things, even though intentional at the time, should be forgiven whether or not the person asks for forgiveness.

3. Those who intentionally harm us with large offenses, but ask for forgiveness.

Some offenses are serious, dangerous and critical. But at some point the offender recognizes the error and asks to be forgiven. When someone asks for forgiveness, the offended should accept the apology and forgive.

4. Those who intentionally harm us with large offenses but do not ask for forgiveness.

When offenses are serious, dangerous and critical the offender should ask for forgiveness. But they often don’t. There are many reasons they may not. They may be embarrassed, too proud, they may think they are in the right, or they may be oblivious, or even psychotic. Believe it or not it is still in your own interest to forgive. This may require the help of a spiritual advisor, counselor, therapist or other professional help. But holding onto the pain will do more long term damage than forgiving.

You will notice that under these scenarios everyone ends up being forgiven whether they deserve it or not. This is called grace.

When it comes to “forgetting,” we forget what we can and should. Some things we should never forget. Holocaust survivors have been known to forgive those who imprisoned them but we will never forget the evil that was done and will fight to keep it from happening again.

Forgetting also does not mean letting people off the hook. When a crime has been committed it is possible to forgive a person yet require that they pay their penalty to society.

Forgive and forget are not two sides of the same coin. But forgiveness is a requirement for a clear conscience and a peaceful life.

What makes forgiveness hard to do?

dbm

Happy (Belated) Birthday To Me!

Category: Admin

Can you believe I forgot my own birthday?

Well, not exactly. I knew it was my birthday. I just forgot to give you a present.

My plan was to give away free copies of my book for my birthday. But on the big day I was doing a speaking engagement while simultaneously highly medicated due to a shoulder injury and I smooth forgot.

So now a week later (and sober) I remembered. So rather than blowing it off I am still going to give you a free copy of the book I wrote for my 40th Birthday two years and one week ago (so you do the math).

Click here to download your free copy of The 40 Book: Forty Things You Should Know By Forty.

Download will be available until February 3rd.

dbm

I'm Sorry (aka Why I Cussed at My Kids)

Category: Heart

Last night I yelled at my kids. As a matter of fact, I cussed. I have felt like garbage about it for the last 24 hours.

Oh, I could give you my reasons (aka, excuses): I have been in pain for a month because I injured my shoulder. I haven’t slept for a month because I injured my shoulder. My kids were whining incessantly about every little thing. I can’t stand whining because I injured my shoulder. Okay, that last one was a stretch.

It was the first time I ever cussed at my kids. My oldest is thirteen years old, so in one way I guess I had a pretty good run. But the reality is it was a horrible thing to do. I felt horrible.

So I apologized. I apologize a lot to my kids, and my wife, and my friends, and my co-workers. Because I mess up a lot.

Some things call for an apology.

1. Your customer is angry.

Apologize. Whether the customer is wrong or right you can always say, “I’m sorry. Let me see if I can take care of that for you.” The words I most often want to hear in a customer service situation is “I’m sorry” and I am most often left disappointed. Nobody apologizes for anything anymore.

If your plane is an hour late for my flight, tell me you’re sorry.
If you sent me the wrong order, tell me you’re sorry.
If your product is not working correctly, tell me you’re sorry.
And so forth.

2. You hurt someone’s feelings.

It really doesn’t matter the situation. If someone has had their self-esteem injured because of your actions you need to take action and apologize. You may not be able to change the circumstances but you can and should mend the relationship.

3. You didn’t keep your word.

Sometimes we have the best intentions to accomplish a task but are unable to deliver. So apologize. If you didn’t pay…apologize…then pay. If you didn’t show up…apologize…then make it up. The lesson to learn here is to be very careful about making promises you can’t keep.

4. You didn’t step up.

Some things require that somebody step up and accept responsibility or take the lead. Maybe that person was you but you didn’t do it. Once you realize it…apologize to those who were affected.

5. You fell short of expectations.

There are times when you don’t meet the standard. Maybe it was an unrealistic standard imposed by others or yourself. But if it was expected and you did not match the expectation you should apologize.

6. You made a mistake.

You just plain old blew it. Accept responsibility for it. Own it. Don’t make excuses. Say you’re sorry.

The bottom line is that there are far too few apologies in the world. Too many people are looking for excuses or someplace else to lay the blame. People are willing to forgive if they see you are honest and willing to admit mistakes. What they cannot tolerate is someone who will never apologize.

When do you want others to apologize?

dbm

What Is Your Pain Telling You?

Category: Body

Are you listening to your body? It is talking to you. Our bodies are constantly sending messages to our brains telling us what they need.

When your eyes get droopy and you begin to yawn your body is telling you to go to sleep. When you start licking your lips and have that parched feeling your body is telling you to get hydrated. When you begin to shiver you know it’s time to grab a jacket.

It is very important to listen to the messages our bodies send us. They are constantly telling us when we need to eat, stop eating, get out of a dangerous situation, and so forth. But one of the most confusing messages our bodies send us is pain.

There are several things pain can mean:

1. Pain can be the price of excellence.

When working out and exercising the mantra is usually “no pain, no gain.” This is because we are working muscles that don’t get worked very often or we are pushing them to new limits. This is usually a good thing as long as we push ourselves appropriately. Most of us do not push ourselves hard enough in exercise intensity and have little to worry about here.

2. Pain can be the cost of foolishness.

Sometimes “no pain, no gain” turns into “pain and set back.” We can push ourselves too far until we injure ourselves. This is more often through bad form than too much weight or too many repetitions.

Occasionally the foolishness doesn’t come from exercise but from other less than brilliant decisions. Many injuries are from unconditioned “athletes” competing in a pickup game of basketball or flag football or just doing “honey-do’s” like shoveling snow or digging a drainage ditch.

3. Pain can be a warning light.

When we are sick or unhealthy it often manifests itself in some form of pain. We often ignore symptoms or rationalize them away and neglect important medical attention. Sometimes we are concerned about the cost of healthcare while other times we are concerned about a disruption of our busy schedules. If we will deal with pain quickly we will usually recover quicker than we would otherwise.

Whatever your experience with pain, do not ignore it. Listen carefully to what your body is telling you and deal with it quickly.

What causes of pain do you experience most often?

dbm

Why You Should Choose Red Cross For Donations

Category: Mind, Body, Heart, Soul

Several years ago I made what I consider to be an important decision regarding my charitable contributions. I decided that whenever there was a major crisis I would make all of my financial contributions to the Red Cross.

Of course, you are certainly free to give to any organization you choose to. The most important thing is that you realize that you are richly blessed and that you give to those who are in need.

These are the reasons that I choose the Red Cross over other good organizations:

1. Speed-to-crisis

Nobody is faster at getting to a place of crisis than the Red Cross. Whether a home fire in your community, a hurricane in New Orleans or an earthquake in Haiti the Red Cross arrives almost instantly with help. Their worldwide locations and systems for getting to where they need to be are unmatched.

2. Resources

The Red Cross already has much of what they need to get aid started. When you donate you are replenishing supplies they will need in coming days. They do not have to take your donations and go get what they need and then deliver aid. They are delivering aid instantly because they already have the resources they need.

3. Economies-of-Scale

The Red Cross is a large organization. One of the largest. This means they can stretch your donation dollars further than most organizations because they buy in such bulk that they get a better price than smaller organizations do. So your donation gets a bigger bang for the buck than when donating to a smaller organization. As someone with an accounting background this is one of the main reasons I chose the Red Cross.

The most important thing is that you give out of your abundance to help those in need. Please be careful when donating that you donate to a reputable organization that can actually help the people you intend to help.

You can also give to many other organizations throughout the year to groups that accomplish different missions that you may want to support. But in a time of major crisis I believe the Red Cross is your best alternative.

Blogger has made a widget available and I have proudly placed it at the top right of this website to support the Red Cross efforts in Haiti. Feel free to click on it to donate to relief efforts there. You can also text the word HAITI to 90999 to donate $10 via your cell phone bill. As of this writing over $8 million has been donated via 90999 texts.

dbm

The Keys To Unfireability

Category: Mind

The unemployment rate is hovering around 10%. People who have been employed with the same company for years are finding themselves collecting unemployment and learning how to update their resume. Even the most confident of employees are a little nervous about job security these days.

While some companies may not weather the current financial storm there is a way to be sure that you are the last person standing. You want to be unfireable. There are four characteristics that every employee should develop to become unfireable:

1. Be a problem solver.

Are you an employee that creates problems for your employer or are you the one that solves them? Your job is to make your boss’s job easier-not harder. If you find a problem figure out a way to solve it. Be creative and proactive. Don’t wait to be told what to do. Take the initiative. Maybe your boss wants to be asked before you pull the trigger but at a minimum you should bring the problem to their attention along with a solution.

The person who creates problems, drama and never has an idea of how to fix anything will be the one who gets the axe.

2. Be profitable.

In all times, but especially in tough economic times, employers are looking for ways to reduce expenses. If you are someone who does not waste company resources and finds new ways to cut costs you will be a breath of fresh air. Most employees are asking for more perks or have ideas that cost money. Tell your employer where they can save money and you’ll get noticed.

In addition to saving money, make it rain. If you bring in the bacon and fry it up in the pan the company needs you. Bring in more revenue than your co-workers and you will always have a parking spot.

3. Be multi-faceted.

One trick ponies don’t last long when it’s time to start cutting heads. If you have five skills the company needs you will be kept on board when compared to the person who has one or two skills. But you will be cut when compared to the person who has seven (all other things held equal).

Before bad times hit it is in your self-interest to gain all the education and on-the-job cross-training and learning you can earn. The more you know about your company, how it works and how to work what makes it work the more safe you’ll be when the pink slips go out.

4. Be likeable.

If you have been a total jerk to everyone around you for years then downsizing day is the perfect excuse to get rid of you. Be careful who you step on along the way to the middle or the top or wherever you are. It could come back to bite you. Playing nice with others is a job requirement.

Even if everybody else likes you, if the person making the right decisions doesn’t like you then you will be collecting unemployment before you can say “DiSC Profile.”

These characteristics are crucial for getting promotions in the good times and staying employed during the rough times. With stormy weather remaining on the economic horizon you may want to brush up on your unfireableness.

What other characteristics do you think make someone unfireable?

dbm

Why You Should Put Yourself First

Category: Soul, Mind, Body, Heart

There is a common idea in society that it is impolite to go first. We must always put others ahead of ourselves. Parents sacrifice for their children. Spouses sacrifice for each other. Employees sacrifice for their employers.

There are many times that common courtesy does in fact dictate that we let others go first. There are also many times in relationships that we should set aside what we desire and serve the other person. However, there are many times when we must put ourselves first.

We must recognize that we must place ourselves first so that we can be of use to ourselves or others. We can spend so much time tending to the needs of others that we run ourselves ragged and destroy ourselves until there is nothing left.

The fable goes that there was a goose who laid golden eggs every day. Eventually, the goose’s farmer became so greedy he killed the goose to open it up and get all the eggs at once. The moral of the story is that we must take care of the goose so it may continue to lay the golden eggs. If the eggs represent output or productivity then the goose represents each of us as the producers.

If we do not maintain ourselves we cannot continue to give good output. What is the output we want?

- Good work
- Creativity
- Good parenting
- A healthy body
- A refreshed mind
- A renewed spirit
- Healthy relationships

If we are not properly caring for ourselves by putting ourselves first we will run down and give out lacking the capability to produce. What do we start to look like?

- Physically ill or unhealthy
- Emotionally drained
- Critical
- Angry or violent
- Withdrawn
- Depressed
- Weary
- Secretive

To become healthy and whole again we must take the time to place ourselves first so we can then be of good use to others again. Some of the things we need to be doing to reclaim our lives are:

- Exercising
- Eating healthy
- Getting more rest
- Asking for help
- Getting counseling or other professional help
- Canceling non-essential activities
- Reading and learning
- Praying and meditating
- Seeking spiritual guidance

It may feel selfish to take time from other activities and family members to engage in putting yourself first but you are actually doing yourself and them a favor. By putting yourself first you are creating a healthy version of yourself that allows you to be healthier and more productive for the long run.

As Dr. Terry Levy says, “Running yourself into the ground doing good things will put you in the same grave that running yourself into the ground doing bad things will.” It may be that you are wearing yourself out doing virtuous things but you are still wearing yourself out.

God only gave you one body and one life. Use it as wisely as you can.

How do you put yourself first?

dbm

The Axis of Relationships

Category: Heart

There are many kinds of relationships; marriages, families, co-workers, friendships and so on. To have a healthy relationship there are two key components that are required.

1. Acceptance

We must accept others as they are. This part of the axis is one-sided in that it does not require the other party in the relationship to do anything. It only requires thought on our part. It is important to realize that acceptance does not always mean approval. It merely means that you recognize and accept that things are the way they are.

Reality-We must accept that others have their own reality. They have their own experiences even when raised in the same environment as us. Everyone has different life experiences that they bring to the table.

Perceptions-We must accept that others perceive the world differently even when raised in the same environment. No two people are alike and we all have our own way of seeing things.

Decisions-We must accept that others have a right to make their own decisions, right or wrong, good or bad. We do not control them. They have a right to their own life.

2. Communication

This part of the axis requires interaction with the other party. It requires “communion” with another person.

Needs-We must have the courage to share our needs. Each of us have something we need out of a relationship. It is our responsibility to be open and honest about what those needs are.

Listen-We must also have the consideration to listen to the needs of the other party. We must be willing to learn and understand from the other party.

Observations-In the most trusting of relationships we can share our observations of each party with each other. We can challenge and encourage each other to be better or affirm each other as needed.

What are the challenges you face in relationships?

dbm

Seven Building Blocks of Physical Health

Category: Body

Everybody wants to be healthy. Some want it more than others. Some are ignorant about how to be healthy while others lack the discipline to be healthy.

If you are interested in being physically healthy there are essential building blocks for health. You may be strong in some of these areas and weak in others. Improving in any one area will increase your health. Improving in all areas will move you towards a picture of whole physical health.

1. Whole Foods

Your body is not designed to process trisodium phosphate. In fact, my word processor didn’t even recognize that word. How is my body supposed to recognize it? A Snicker is not food. An apple is food. Fritos are not food. Carrots are food. Jelly-beans are not food. Tomatoes are food.

So much of what we eat is processed chemical food-like substances. When the chemicals hit our body our hormone systems go crazy and are confused. Eventually we can do permanent damage to our health.

The solution is to get off of the chemicals and onto real foods.

2. Water

Most of us are severely deficient in hydration. Caffeinated drink products, whether they are coffee, tea or soda, deplete us even further.

Most of us need at least 64 ounces of water a day and do not get close to that. Sodas and fruit drinks are not sufficient replacements. In fact, they add unneeded sugar and chemicals to our diet. Diet sodas are even worse!

The solution is to get off of soda, sports and fruit drinks and on to water.

3. Cardio

Obesity, heart disease, high-blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol are just a few chronic problems infecting us today. While these used to be adult problems they are increasingly becoming teen and even child problems. Physical inactivity is a major contributor to these problems.

We should be getting in at least thirty minutes of cardio exercise a day. If all you can do is walk then walk. As you become more fit then increase time and intensity to include running and incline.

The solution is to move. Get off of inertia and get up and move every day.

4. Resistance

Humans lose 5 pounds of muscle every decade after age 30. The number of muscle fibers also decline with age. Bone strength and density decline as we age increasing our risk of Osteoporosis.

Resistance training is exercise that causes your muscles to contract against an external resistance. This can be weight-lifting, push-ups, pull-ups, stretch-bands, etc.

The solution is to increase strength in your muscles and bones through exercise.

5. Organic Foods

Remember those whole foods you started eating? That was a great move to get away from that processed crap. Good for you! But guess what? Unfortunately, most of them are grown with and treated with an enormous amount of dangerous and hormone damaging chemicals.

In fact, worse than some of the stuff you quit eating in your food. But you are still eating it because it is in the food because of the way it was raised or treated. By eating certified organic food you can be reasonably sure that the foods you eat are safer.

The solution is to eat certified organic foods. If you cannot eat all organic make changes where you can.

6. Organic Household Items

In addition to the chemicals in our foods there are many dangerous chemicals in the items all over our homes. They are in our health and beauty items, cleaning products, clothes, furniture, etc.

The fewer chemicals we come in contact with the healthier our bodies will be. Our hormone systems will be able to work easier and can give us a cleaner physical system.

The solution is to purge our home of unhealthy items and replace them with healthy items. If you cannot use all healthy items make changes where you can.

7. Emotional Well-Being

Mental and emotional stress takes a serious toll on our physical health. It manifests itself in many ways including unhealthy habits such as overeating, drinking, drugs, etc.

Many of the other building blocks can help reduce stress such as eating healthy and exercise. You should also develop healthy relationships and maintain a healthy work/life balance.

The solution is to strive for balance in all areas of life.

These seven building blocks can help you in your physical wellness by building on one or more of them in your own life.

Which block do you want to build on and why?

dbm

Why You Should Not Read The Bible This Year

Category: Soul

I have been teaching the Bible for many years. One of the most common New Year's Resolutions I hear is that people want to read the Bible through in one year.

I don't recommend it.

It's not a bad thing. Most people just don't make it. It's actually quite a bit of reading which turns into a lot of guilt which turns into a lot of cramming which turns into giving up or speeding through and not understanding it.

Slow it down.

I suggest two years. If you read five days a week that is about 2.3 chapters a day. Or you can click here for a good three year plan. I think you will get more out of either of those plans.

I also recommend a translation like the NIV over the KJV. I also prefer a translation (NIV, NAS) over a paraphrase (LB, Message). It is good to study up on the differences.

Don't read the whole Bible this year. Try a half or a third.

PS-To hear me teach through the entire Bible check out http://voyageradio.org/. I talk about the differences in translations and paraphrases in Lesson One.

What are your successes or struggles with reading through the Bible?

dbm

Six Reasons You Will Succeed This Year

Category: Mind

According to the USA.gov (“Government Made Easy”) website, the dozen most popular New Year’s Resolutions are:
- lose weight,
- manage debt,
- save more,
- change jobs,
- get in shape,
- go back to school,
- drink less,
- stop smoking,
- reduce stress in general,
- reduce stress at work,
- travel,
- and volunteer.

Generally, most people have stumbled at their resolutions by mid-February and given up completely by late March with the thought of hitting it hard again in the summer which turns into fall which turns into after the holidays which turns into next year’s resolution.

You can dramatically increase your chances for success by following some simple strategies (hope is not a strategy). You will succeed this time because you will do the following things:

1. You will write down your goals.

There is something concrete about putting your goal into writing. Thinking about it is not enough. Writing it down statistically improves your chances on following through on your goal.

(Important note: The often-touted Yale/Harvard study proving the above is likely a myth. However, there is research here proving that it works.


2. You will transform your mind.

You renew yourself by transforming your mind. Once you write down your goal you need to post that goal everywhere. Keep it ever present. Always in front of you. You also need to read, listen to and watch things that support your mission. There are plenty of obstacles and distractions from your goal. Brainwash yourself.

3. Your goal will be a S.M.A.R.T. goal.

Goals must be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-sensitive.

Bad example: “I want to write a book.”

Good example: “I want to write a book on time management that is at least 200 pages in length and have it done by December 16th. I’ll commit myself to writing at least 2 pages every workday until I reach completion.”

Find more information about S.M.A.R.T. Goals here.


4. You will not bite off more than you can chew.

You can only accomplish so much. You will not attempt to ten major goals this year. It is completely unrealistic to lose 100 pounds, quit smoking, change jobs, eliminate all your debt, find a spouse, earn your master’s degree, rebuild a ’57 Chevy, buy a house, win this city for Christ and climb Mt. Everest in one year.

There is a great article here in the Wall Street Journal about how the brain is a muscle that can be overloaded just like any other muscle.


5. You will seek help and support.

You may be embarrassed about needing to lose weight, getting out of debt, quitting drinking, or whatever your personal goal may be. Maybe your goal is to increase your personal wealth. Whatever it is you will need the wisdom and support of others to achieve it. Attempting to do it alone is a sure-fire route to failure.

Be willing to pay for professional assistance if needed. You may even need counseling. Do whatever it takes to make your goal a reality. You are worth it.

A word of caution: While your spouse is always important to your success it is unfair to make them your support system. They are obligated to love you “for better or for worse” and may not feel like they can say the things to you that need to be said so do not put them in that situation.

6. You will focus on the positive.

You will not focus on the things you cannot do but on the things you can do. You will not say, “I will stop eating brownies” but rather “I will eat healthy, whole foods.” “I will stop wasting time” becomes “I will use my time to bond with family and increase my learning opportunities.”

If you apply these six strategies you will succeed. If not, failure looms on the horizon as sure as Groundhog Day. As Harvey Mackay says, “It is not enough to know what to do if you haven’t developed the self-discipline to do it.”

What are your goals for 2010?

dbm

NYD Blog Launch Giveaway!

Category: Admin

In addition to our Twitter giveaway, we are giving a special prize to everyone who stops by this blog on New Year's Day 2010.

You get a free pdf copy of my book, The 40 Book: Forty Things You Should Know By Forty.

Click here to download your free copy on 01.01.2010 only. Tell your friends!

Shortly after my thirty-ninth birthday I started thinking about turning forty. I was driving down the road listening to the radio when I heard about a woman who after turning fifty made a list of the fifty most important things she had learned in life. The only one I remember is, “When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.” You cannot argue with logic like that.

That caused me to start thinking…which is dangerous. What are the forty most important things I have learned in my forty years on planet Earth? So I began to make a list.

After the first few, the list is not in order of importance. I wanted to do a countdown to the most important; but it just did not work. Everything I firmly believe flows from the first two so they had to be first.

I then decided to write a short explanation of each point, put them in a small book, and give it to my kids as a keepsake. As I talked about it to people, many of them said they would be interested in reading it, so I started a blog that eventually became the rough draft for the book.

Here it is. The 40 Book. The forty most important things I have learned in my forty years on planet Earth. Maybe these truths will guide you as they have guided me. This is why I believe these are Forty Things You Should Know By Forty.

Love & Mercy,
David B. McLaughlin

Twitter NYD Contest Giveaway!

Category: Admin

Here is the New Year's Day Twitter Contest.

Everyone who retweet's the message I sent on my twitter account today about this contest will be entered to win this Sigg brand BPA free Aluminum Water Bottle containing our Mind, Body, Heart & Soul logo.

All RT's will be entered into a drawing and one winner will be selected and announced on January 2nd. When announced I'll mail you the water bottle.

Tweet away!

dbm

Factory description below:

Help save the planet while you rehydrate in style with an eye-catching water bottle from SIGG. Made from a single piece of aluminum with an EcoCare BPA-free lining, it's ultra-lightweight (yet rugged and crack-resistant). To minimize unwanted tastes and scents, the inside is lined with a water-based, non-toxic epoxy resin that exceeds FDA leaching requirements.

- Holds 1.0L
- Recyclable & reusable
- EcoCare BPA-free lining
- Lifetime warranty
- Do not freeze

My Favorite 25 Tweets of the Decade

Category: Mind

Here are my 25 favorite tweets I made during this decade (posted from most recent to earliest). Enjoy and then follow me on twitter so you won't miss any during the next decade!

1. Whoever said they were dreaming of a white christmas never had to shovel snow. 12:58 PM Dec 25th from txt

2. When I go to hell there will be no flames. It will be freezing cold winter for all eternity. 8:00 PM Dec 14th from txt

3. Your value is determined by the love you give and the problems you solve. 10:57 AM Dec 13th from txt

4. Tired of hearing about your truth or my truth. There is only THE truth. Truth is that which conforms to reality. 11:13 AM Dec 4th from TweetDeck

5. Just sent my bride roses to celebrate 20th anniversary of our first date. I'd do it all over again. 10:14 AM Dec 2nd from txt

6. If you want to make a different kind of money you need to solve a different kind of problem. 1:08 PM Nov 30th from txt

7. Hope is not a strategy. 3:20 PM Nov 25th from txt

8. There is no such thing as free time. Doug Vrooman 11:41 AM Nov 24th from txt

9. If if's and but's were drives and putts we'd all be on the PGA tour. The late, great Coach John Griffis. 4:59 PM Nov 23rd from txt

10. Character is easier kept than regained. From the movie The International. Lame movie, great quote. 12:59 PM Nov 15th from txt

11. RT @Bryan_Duncan: "I've been tellng ppl God is my Fathr. They don't c the resemblance. That's how I know I'm adopted!" 3:34 PM Nov 14th from txt

12. If hunger is not the problem then food is not the solution. Paula Liotine 2:37 PM Nov 12th from txt

13. Stockdale Paradox: Never confuse faith that you will prevail with the discipline to confront the brutal facts of your current reality. 3:14 PM Nov 10th from txt

14. Just realized my zipper has been down all morning. Nice. So what have you been embarrassed by lately?9:52 AM Nov 3rd from txt

15. Being too busy for the right reasons will put you in the same grave that being too busy for the wrong reasons will put you in. Dr Terry Levy9:05 PM Nov 2nd from txt

16. Understanding does not equal agreement. You can gain understanding without giving consent.3:03 PM Nov 2nd from txt

17. RT @davidbmc Are you living your life based on probabilities or possibilities? Doug Vrooman ...that's right. That is so good I rt'd myself!3:03 PM Oct 16th from Txt

18. 4 health: eat breakfast, eat every 4 hours, don't eat after 9 pm, no carbs in the evening, walk at least 30 mins a day, drink 64 ozs water.1:04 PM Sep 14th from txt

19. You are always creating a mental vision of your future. What does yours look like?6:18 PM Sep 10th from txt

20. after much soul searching I finally decided to give up diet coke. Thanks to @jillianmichaels1:43 AM Aug 9th from txt

21. Passion creates motivation.7:03 PM Aug 5th from txt

22. A bad day for your ego is a great day for your soul. @jillianmichaels brilliant!12:32 PM Aug 4th from txt

23. More Than A Feeling is the greatest song ever. Always makes me feel good.4:51 PM Jul 30th from txt

24. My youngest son just passed out. He's fine now. His dad is trained by the red cross in cpr and first aid. You should be too.11:20 AM Jul 23rd from txt

25. You can only move as fast as the person in front of you. From Dog the Bounty Hunter.7:09 PM Jul 12th from txt

dbm

Help The Other David McLaughlin

Category: Personal

You may or may not be aware that there is another David McLaughlin. Shocked?

He is a well-known bluegrass musician. A dang good one. I have known about him for a long time. He has lost his hearing and been unable to play. He has found a device that returns his hearing and allows him to return to his love and livelihood.

Feel free to donate and find info here:
http://www.thebluegrassblog.com/david-mclaughlin%E2%80%99s-hearing-loss/

dbm

New Years Day Giveaway

Category: Admin

Be sure to tune in on this blog on New Years Day ONLY for a free giveaway-everybody wins. There will also be a contest on Twitter for another giveaway. Tune in 01.01.2010. See ya then!

dbm

Repost: The Perfect Day of Weight Loss

Category: Body

Christmas and all the excuses are over. As you get ready for the fit new you in the new year you may be looking for a healthy eating and exercise plan.

Look no further!

Click here to read The Perfect Day of Weight Loss from Biggest Loser guru Jillian Michaels!

david b mclaughlin

My Gift To You (Limited Time)

Once upon a time my brothers and I travelled the country as a vocal quartet known as The McLaughlin Brothers. We recorded a Christmas album in 1998. My gift to you this Christmas season is a free mp3 of the song What Child Is This available only through Christmas day. Download for free and enjoy the reason for the season.

Click here to listen.

Right click and choose "Save Target As" and save to your computer. Then play from your favorite mp3 media player.

david b mclaughlin

Getting Your House In Order

Category: Mind, Heart

At the end of every year I update a ring-binder that contains vital information relating to my life. My wife and kids know this notebook exists as do my parents and brothers.

Everybody knows where I keep the ring-binder in case of emergency. It’s what I call the “hit-by-a-truck theory.” If I’m hit by a truck my affairs are in order. I believe it is my responsibility to take care of these things.

I firmly believe everybody should have a similar notebook. Because I have a morbid sense of humor I have named the ring-binder “The Death Notebook.” The ring-binder is black and has a sign on front that says “Death Notebook: God-Forbid You Need This But Here It Is.”

People ask me all the time what I keep in it so I thought I would share the gory details. My hope is that you will use the end of this year to put together a notebook of your own. It will give you and your family peace of mind.

What to put in your notebook:

1. Assets

List your assets. The level of detail is up to you but definitely list major assets. I suggest you also list their current fair market value. This does two things. It helps you in step three and helps your loved ones identify items of value if something happens. Assets include real estate, autos, boats, jewelry, equipment, etc.

Also in this category are items of cash and investments including bank and retirement accounts and other investments. List all bank names, account numbers, etc., so that loved ones will know who to contact. You don’t want an unclaimed account left somewhere. Remember safe-deposit boxes.

2. Liabilities.

List your debts. Some of those assets are owned by you and a lender. Be sure to list every lender, account number and how much you owe. This will help in step three and will help your loved ones settle your estate if something happens. Be sure to list any unofficial debts you owe; for example if you owe a person money that is not written in an official bank note. Also list any unsecured debts such as credit cards.

3. Net Worth Calculation

Annually every person should calculate their net worth. This is a simple calculation of their assets (what they own) minus their liabilities (what they owe). This is what you are worth financially. This calculation will do more for you each year than for your loved ones but since you need to do steps one and two for them you may as well do step three for yourself.

4. Insurance

This is where I keep copies of all of my insurance policies: life, home, auto, medical, etc. On this note I have to say, you must, must, must, must, must have life insurance if you have a family. Everybody should at least have enough coverage to bury themselves (minimum of $10,000) but if you have a family you need enough to take care of your family if you are gone. I know way too many people who have died young without life insurance and left their family hurting not only emotionally but financially. You must take care of business. Do not fail on this one. Don’t wait.

5. Last Will and Testament

This is also imperative if you have a family. I don’t care how young you are. You are not invincible. Have a legally drafted will. State what should happen to your children in case something happens to you and your spouse, state what happens to your possessions, etc. I spent 15 years in the ministry and have even seen fist-fights over caskets at funerals. Eliminate the drama as much as you can by stating your desires.

6. Advanced Directive

Don’t make your family decide whether to “pull the plug.” You decide. Write it down. Make it legal. Don’t wait.

Some of the following items are in the “optional” category but I highly recommend them.

7. Medical Information

List your doctors and their contact numbers, medications, allergies, and past medical history. This is useful if you are severely injured and they need this information.

8. Legal Documents

Originals or copies of marriage licenses, birth certificates, children’s identifying information, social security information, etc. Any other important legal contracts or documents people should be aware of.

9. Funeral Plans

This freaks some people out and they think if they write this down they will die. I don’t know why. But write down what you would like done at your funeral. Do you want to be buried or cremated? Do you want your organs donated? (You should take care of that officially also if you do.) Who do you want to speak at your funeral? Where should it be? Where do you want to be buried? What songs do you want sung? What kinds of things do you like or not like at funerals?

10. Your Stuff

Everybody’s life is different. There may be something unique to your life that you need to include that is not on this list. Maybe you want to include a letter to your family and friends or maybe some other important documents. As you assess your notebook each year you may think of other things to include that are unique to you.

What else would you put in your notebook?

david b mclaughlin

New Blog Debuts January 1, 2010

I have been “advertising” that this blog would officially begin January 1, 2010. So what does that mean? After all, I have been posting at this new blog address for months. What will be different?

Here is what the plan is for the blog starting in 2010.

1. Mind, Body, Heart and Soul.

That is what this blog is about. That part has already started but it will be much more noticeable and focused. These are the four main categories of the blog. I have done another post explaining the categories.

2. Frequent and regular postings.

This is the main change you will see. There will be at least two posts a week. There will be approximately two posts from each category each month. There may be extra posts if extra topics come up.

3. Blog graphics redesign.

I was going to wait until January 1 to upload the Mind, Body, Heart and Soul, black and gold graphics but I couldn’t wait because I loved them so much. I already did it. Enjoy.

4. Podcasts and Videoblogs to come.

One thing I have learned in recent years is to not promise what you cannot sustain. I initially wanted to commit to a regular podcast. Since I am not yet sure how taxing the writing will be I will wait to see about the podcast schedule. Someday I will start posting occasional podcasts and videoblogs. Eventually they will appear on a regular schedule.

5. Free Stuff.

I really believe people want, need and love free stuff. I will give stuff away when possible. But feel free to buy stuff too. The more you buy the better college my children will go to. Thank you for your fine support.

My personal mission statement is to fully develop my mind, body, heart and soul and to help others do the same. I am looking forward to partnering with you on our journey!

What do you want from this blog?

david b mclaughlin

Understanding The Categories

Category: Admin

Almost every post on this blog is given a category of Mind, Body, Heart or Soul. Where did these come from and what do they mean?

I wrote a personal mission statement when I was in my twenties that served me well for many years. When I was 41 I decided I was a very different man than I was in my twenties and needed to revamp my mission statement. After several months of labor I came up with the following new mission statement:

My mission is to fully develop my mind, body, heart and soul and to help others do the same.

So, each post is given one of these categories to help myself and the readers develop in these areas.

Mind:

Your thoughts. These posts will be the most diverse. They will deal with areas such as personal development, success, leadership, business, finances, etc. There will be a noticeable theme to most of these posts but it will also be a catch-all category if I want to write about something that doesn’t fit in the other categories. If it makes you think it is a post for the mind.

Body:

Your health. This category is about nutrition, physical fitness, exercise, diet, and other topics that are related to your physical health.

Heart:

Your relationships. These posts are aimed at helping you be a better friend, partner, spouse, son, parent, etc. Interacting and communicating with people in a healthy and effective way is essential.

Soul:

Your spirit. Everyone needs to be restored. There are many aspects to restoration: rest, renewal, forgiveness, spirituality, etc. It is not always about religion. These posts will not always be spiritual in nature. However, readers beware; I am a Christian and this is my blog. I will post a lot of things in this category that are Christian in nature. I cannot post about the soul and leave out this fundamental aspect of my life, thoughts and beliefs. You can tune in or not. But realize that this category is only one-fourth of the content on this blog and every post in this category will not necessarily be about Christianity.

There are two other categories that may appear from time.

Personal:

These will be posts, hopefully few in number, which will be something I want you to know about my personal life. I may let you know about something that has been posted on our family blog or if I break my leg in thirty places from a skiing accident I’ll let you know here. You will also find more of these things out by following me on twitter if you are interested where I also regularly post tweets related to the mind, body, heart and soul.

Admin:

If there is something of an administrative type nature we need to let you know about we will place it in this category.

These are the topics and this is my blog. Please join me for the journey!

david b mclaughlin

What Is Your Value?

Category: Mind, Heart

How do you know what your value is as a person? As an employee? As a partner? As a friend?

One estimate says that if you break down the value of the chemical composition of your body the average person is worth $4.50.

Most people are more like treasured heirlooms which are priceless because of their sentimental value. But how do we know what we are really worth?

There is a difference between your intrinsic and extrinsic values. Every individual has a high intrinsic value. You are valuable merely because you were created by God and have infinite worth. No matter what the circumstances of your birth you were not an accident. You were created for a purpose.

However, each person does not have the same extrinsic value. We bring a different value to the quality of our existence by the things we say and do. We are not all the same. Some people do more with what they are given. Some are given less in life and accomplish a lot. Others are given everything and do very little. Each of us was created for a purpose but we do not all pursue our purpose.

There are two categories through which we can add value to our extrinsic value:

1. The love we give.

The way we care for and show love towards others, whether we know them or not, adds value to our lives. We become more valuable as we give more love to others.

2. The problems we solve.

Some people create problems for others. Other people solve problems. Every job and every relationship is either a solution to a problem or the creation of a problem. When you solve problems for others your value is increased. When you create problems for others your value is decreased.

Your extrinsic value is determined by the love you give and the problems you solve.

How do you make yourself more valuable to others?

dm

The Four Human Needs...and Their Consequences

Category: Mind, Body, Heart, Soul

There have been different lists compiled throughout the years of what the basic human needs of each individual are. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is the most common and most popular.

After much reflection, and a conviction that almost everything can be categorized into groups of four for some reason, I have compiled my own list of the Four Human Needs for your consideration.

1. Security

Every human needs to feel safe. This begins with being cared for as a child having our basic physiological and safety needs met. As we get older we continue the need to feel secure physically but also in more complicated ways such as emotionally and financially.

2. Affection

As infants and children we all need to be nurtured with love and tenderness. As adolescents and adults we need to be affirmed, validated and loved in meaningful and appropriate ways. We need to experience honest words of compassion, concern, adoration and affection. We also need to be involved with appropriate experiences of physicality through touching, hugging and sexual intimacy.

3. Respect

We have a need for social attention and interaction with peers and loved ones. We desire to be honored and appreciated for our accomplishments and efforts. We have a need to create output, work, creativity and productivity. But we have a desire for that output to be recognized, appreciated and rewarded.

4. Restoration

We have a need to rest, relax, recharge and renew. We must be able to refill ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in order to maintain effectiveness. We also have a need to be restored relationally through forgiving others and by being forgiven ourselves.

Each need has some core aspects that are universal to every person. For example, within the need of Security, everybody needs food, clothing and shelter. Within the need of Affection, every person needs healthy relational attachments. Within the need of Respect, every person needs healthy social interaction. Within the need of Restoration, every person needs physical rest.

Within each need every person also has their own unique characteristics and intensities. For example, within the need of Security, one person may need a large financial cushion while another does not. Yet another may need a great deal of emotional security while another does not. Within the need of Affection, one person may have a high sexual libido while another does not. Yet another may need continual words of affirmation while another does not. Within the need of Respect, one person may have a high drive of ambition while another does not. Yet another is extroverted and another is not. Within the need of Restoration, one person may have a high need for physical rest while another does not. Yet another has an easy time giving forgiveness while another does not.

Each component of our basic human needs make us who we are. They define our personality and character. They affect our relationships and careers just as they are affected by our relationships and careers.

The consequences of our basic human needs are critical to understand. When we are lacking in any area of a need, we instinctively act to fill the need in some way. For example, every person has the need for affection. If that need is not filled in some positive and healthy way, the person will act in some way to fill that need. They may find affection through an unhealthy relationship with food, work or relationships. They distort some other aspect of life in an effort to fill a void that is not being filled.

Each of us should examine each category of our needs to see how we manifest our desires of that need, how those needs are being met or not met, and if we are acting in healthy or unhealthy ways to fill those needs.

What other needs do we have as humans?

dm

Give Thanks

Category: Personal

Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.

1 Chronicles 16:8

What are you thankful for?

dm

Banning Christmas...Get Over It

Category: Soul, Heart

At my old blog I would post an annual Christmas rant. I just received this email which will suffice. Thanks to Jennifer.
--------------

Letter from Jesus about Christmas

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5 Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember :

I LOVE YOU,
JESUS
--------------

The only thing I would add is that "Xmas" isn't taking Christ out of Christmas. X is a Greek symbol that storekeepers used to use as a shorthand for Christ.

What do you think about Christmas controversies?

dm

What I Learned During My Sabbatical

Category: Heart, Soul

After being in church my entire life, being involved in serving in the "church" in one form or another since I was 12 years old (literally), serving in full-time ministry for 15 years before moving to secular vocation several years ago, and after teaching and writing bible studies on a volunteer basis for 7 years, I decided to take a one year sabbatical from ministry-related teaching during 2009.

This is what I learned.

1. I was more spent and exhausted spiritually, emotionally and physically than I realized.

I originally thought I was taking a sabbatical because I was a little tired and kind of bored with the class and just needed a fresh perspective after some time off. Wrong. I was severely burnt out but was in too deep to realize it. It probably took four or five months to come to that conclusion.

Lesson learned: You can burn out doing good things just as easily as doing wrong things. (I'm paraphrasing Dr. Levy there. Thanks Jennifer.) Take regular breaks to refresh and renew.

2. I am unhappy theologically.

I know what I believe. I even really do believe what I believe. I don't know that I am even stating this well but I do not necessarily like everything I believe. Don't go freaking out and worry that David is losing it or anything. The bottom line to this point is that I don't like all the answers I have come to. Many of them are unsatisfying to me.

Lesson learned: You can't understand God. Trying to make sense out of everything He does will wear you out and bring you questions that don't have answers other than "trust Him." Sometimes that answer sucks.

3. My future looks different today than it did one year ago.

When I turned 40 I wrote a book. At the end of the book I made a list of all these plans I had. That was a stupid idea. I still believe in making plans and working your plans but sometimes you have a seismic shift in your life that changes everything. I have decided to shift the focus in my writings from ministry-oriented topics to whole-life topics. This is in line with my newly revised mission statement: To fully develop my mind, body, heart and soul and to help others do the same.

Lesson learned: Don't announce plans you cannot sustain.

4. I am a very passionate person.

I have known this for a long time but I see more than ever how it has affected my own life as well as those around me. I wouldn't say I am bipolar, but I am usually a very up person but when I am down I am very down. However, you will probably never know I am down because I was raised to be an entertainer. To quote master lyricist Bryan Duncan, "I was raised on the lessons and the victory speech, and I fought for the standards that I could not reach." The show must go on!

I am becoming more passionate about being honest with my pain, doubts and imperfections. I can't decide if people don't want to hear them or if they are looking at me saying, "Well, duh!"

I also realize that my passion for whatever I am passionate about at the moment can overwhelm others so I have been practicing dialing it back so as not freak people out.

Lesson learned: I can't change the world but I sure do need to change.

5. One year is an arbitrary amount of time to set for a sabbatical.

Everybody keeps asking me when I am going to teach again. This is so kind and makes me realize that I am loved and appreciated. Thank you all for asking! The answer is...I don't know.

I can tell you when it is not. I will not start in January 2010. I will also not start up again teaching Voyage Through The Bible. It is a great program and I may teach it again in the future. If you want to hear it you can download the study guide for free and listen to the lessons online for free at http://www.voyageradio.org/. (If someone else wants to teach it, feel free!)

I have a few ideas of what to teach next kicking around in my head but I am in no hurry and just don't feel up to it yet. Maybe 2010. We'll see. I will not commit to what I cannot sustain. (See how I am learning!?!)

Lesson learned: Don't be pressured by yourself or others into doing what you are not ready to do.

Love & Mercy,
David McLaughlin

What Children Need From Their Parents

Category: Heart

Disclosure: I totally ripped this off from my church's message last Sunday.

What do children need from their parents?

There may be more things, but most things can probably be categorized in the following groups.

1. Compassion

Children need to be loved and cared for tenderly. They need to know parents are concerned for them.

2. Counsel

The main job of a parent is to prepare a child for adulthood. As they grow they can provide the child with wise advice.

3. Confidence

A parent should build their child up. Never in a false way, but allow them to see their strengths and possibilities.

4. Correction

Yes, children make mistakes and parents need to be there to provide correction when needed. However, abuse is not cool.

5. Challenges

Children need to be allowed to feel the pressure of challenges without the stress of perfectionism or unrealistic expectations. You should be slowly giving them more and more responsibility the older they get. This means they get to feel the weight of the consequences for their decisions as well. Resist the temptation to step in and save them.

6. Celebration

Celebrate big and small milestones. Celebrate the important and the silly. One of our family's favorite moments is when our oldest son was very young and he tracked that he passed gas 100 days in a row. My wife made a cake!

7. Consistency

Being a role model for your children is vital. They will do what you do, not what you say. So be consistent. This is what makes being a good parent the hardest job on the planet.

Recommended books: The two books I always recommend on parenting are Parenting With Love & Logic and If Jesus Were A Parent.

What do you think children need from their parents?

dm

The See-Saw Manager

Category: Mind, Heart

I had a thought today. Scary, I know.

Good managers are like see-saws.

Take a look at the picture of the see-saw. What do you notice? Look hard. Take mental notes.

Here is what you probably didn't notice. The item managing the entire see-saw is that little triangle right in the middle of the see-saw. It supports and balances the structure and function of the see-saw.

A good manager does not make themselves the center of attention. They are the balancing act between the company and the employee. They are bringing the interest of the company to the attention of the employee and the interest of the employee to the attention of the company.

When the manager does a good job they are not really noticed and everybody is having a great time. But when things are out of balance some one's butt is going to hurt.

What do you think of the see-saw manager concept?

dm

The Barriers To Change

Category: Mind

The innovations of change can be difficult to implement because of barriers to change. There are many barriers:

a) Change is uncomfortable for people.

This is the main reason people resist change.

People are comfortable with the familiar. When you move them out of their zone of familiarity they are afraid of what will be waiting for them. People become locked into habits and old ways of doing things whether they make sense any more or not. People will hold to old methodologies just to avoiding learning a new skill or new piece of equipment. Once change is adopted, they often look back and wonder how they ever did things the old way.

b) The influence of others.

Even if you are open to change those around you may not be.

Negative attitudes are contagious. Since most people do not like change, the mere thought of change causes them to complain and voice every conceivable reason the change might not work.Unfortunately, this negative attitude can have a detrimental affect on those who may have viewed the change favorably in the beginning. They may begin to doubt whether or not change is a good idea. While it is possible for a positive attitude to overcome a negative attitude, it is much easier for a negative attitude to bring down a positive attitude.

c) Competing priorities.

To effectively change one must be focused on change.

Even when change is viewed favorably, it is difficult to accomplish because there are many things that distract us from accomplishing the mission of change. It is easy to fall back into the old way of doing things. It is easier because it is familiar. The new way has not yet been mastered so during a "time-crunch" we will go ahead and do things the old way "this time." However, this prevents us from truly implementing the new method or system which prevents real change from occurring.

What are other barriers to change?

dm

Body: Get Your dbm BPA Free Sneak Peak Water Bottle

You can get your dbm BPA free water bottle AND get a sneak peak of wha is coming here at this site 01.01.2010.

Details and link below.

dm

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Like my new logo?

Mind, Heart: Can You Teach People to Care?

The president of the company I work for and I are locked in a vicious battle of words. OK, actually we briefly discussed a topic once and he brought it up again to me yesterday because he mentioned it in an article he wrote and he knew I would disagree.

He was right. I still disagree even though he outranks me. But he is still better looking than I am so really, he wins anyway.

Here is his premise: You cannot teach people to care.

My premise: Oh yes you can.

Let me attempt to prove my point. My real job is that of a corporate trainer. In the training world we recognize that there are three learning domains for which we can train people: attitude, skills and knowledge (a.s.k.). Caring is an attitude, and to some extent a skill. Therefore it is something that we can train people for.

As a trainer we would analyze it like this--There is a current state (lack of caring) and a desired state (caring). What is in the gap? The attitude of caring. So we would set about training the people who need to be trained (the apathetic) to care.

Now the BIG question is, HOW do you train someone to care?

That is actually the easiest part! In training it is step one of any course you design and any presentation you make.

WIIFM--What's in it for me?

If you can explain to the participant how caring benefits them then you have taught them to care. Notice I said IF you can explain how caring benefits them. It isn't automatic.

Everyone is motivated by different things so you will have to find what motivates each person. You do not have to motivate them. You should never spend your energy motivating other people. Their motivation will run out and you will have to do it again. Instead, find out what motivates them and connect it to why they should care.

Example: Susan doesn't care about her customers. She thinks they are all stupid. She gives lousy customer service.

You want Susan to care so you help Susan see WIIFM (or WIIFS-What's In It For Susan).

By talking to her you find out that Susan likes her home and car and wants to keep them. In order to keep them she needs a job. She has two options, she can find a new job or keep her current job. To keep her current job she is required to give great customer service. So she begins to care about the same thing you care about.

OR--she decides that she hates this job and wants to change oil for a living. So she quits and leaves. AHA! (See-you can't teach people to care!) Wrong! Susan still cares. She just cares about what SHE cares about. What's In It For Susan. She still wants to pay her bills. She just doesn't care about what YOU care about. (Great customer service.)

But remember the point of the training? To care. Now, if you want to do training on great customer service, then that is an entirely different objective. That is a skill. Which is something else you can train for.

Do you think you can train someone to care?

dm

Mind: What Every Customer Wants

This is Customer Service Week. I was thinking about this today and believe I have identified the essentials of what every customer wants. I doubt I am the first to do so, but this is my list.

1. Quality.

Give us a product that does what it is supposed to do for as long as it is supposed to do it and how it is supposed to do it. This is true whether it is a functional widget or a more artistic endeavor like a book, song or movie, or even a service like a hand car-wash or a doctor's visit.

2. Value

Give it to us for the best price possible. We do not want to overpay. We want to pay as little as possible even though that may mean we are paying a lot. If someone else can figure out how to charge less for the same quality, we will pay less. We may decide to pay less for less quality if we do not perceive the value of this product to be high enough or if it does not fit within our budget. Resources are limited so we must perceive value.

3. Service

From the initial offering to delivery we expect courtesy and respect. We expect you to either know what we want or ask us. We also know that after delivery...things happen. Nobody is perfect and errors happen. So apologize and fix it. Don't blame somebody else and don't make us wait.

4. Innovation

Why can't we build a better mousetrap? If we can send a man to the moon, why can't we _______? However, we can do without this category if we have to. If someone else does the innovation, we don't mind you being the copycat if you can beat them in the first three categories. If you do come up with an innovation, you must maintain the first three or we will move our business to them.

What do you want as a customer?

dm

Mind, Heart: Attach Conference, Levy & Orlans

This week I went to San Antonio for a couple days and attended part of the Attach Conference for parents and professionals who deal with attachment issues. I attended because I am co-authoring a book with Jennifer Ashford who is the parent of a child with attachment issues about her journey with her son. (Due out later this year.)

"Attachment is the deep and enduring heartfelt connection that children and caregivers establish in the early stages of life" (Levy & Orlans). When children do not attach, often because of abuse, severe problems are manifested behaviorally.

One of the main reasons I went was to meet several of the professionals who have treated her son whom she adopted from a Russian orphanage. While at the airport I met Dr. Anne Cuccio. She was wonderful and we had a delightful time with her. Later that evening I was able to briefly meet another one of his therapists but unfortunately I cannot remember his name. (Argh!)

The rockstars of the conference, however, were Dr. Terry Levy and Michael Orlans. These two men are co-directors of Evergreen Psychotherapy Treatment Center in Evergreen, Colorado and two of the men who had a major hand in helping Jennifer's son heal. They are the top experts on attachment in the world. Dinner with them Tuesday night was wonderful. They were extremely friendly.

Their seminar all day Wednesday was mind-blowing. They briefly discussed attachment and their theory of treating attachment disorders. The rest of the day was spent showing video of actual therapy sessions in a start-and-stop manner as they discussed the nuances of their treatment and facilitated Q&A with the medical professionals in attendance.

I can tell you there was not a dry eye in the room as we watched people from ages 5 to 60, male and female, experience emotional healing and breakthrough. It was one of the most incredible and life-changing experiences I have ever had.

Because of my years in the ministry, I have always said that everybody is messed up and everybody needs therapy/counseling. After Wednesday, I have never been more convinced of that truth.

I highly recommend their book, Healing Parents: Helping Wounded Children Learn To Trust & Love. Believe it or not, I believe we are all wounded children. Some just more than others.

What do you think about therapy?

dm

(Pictured l-r: David B. McLaughlin, Michael Orlans M.A., Dr. Terry Levy)

Mind, Heart: Civil Rights Act of 1964

The following is from a short paper I wrote for my Master's degree at school. I thought the information about the events leading up to the Civil Rights Act of 1964 would be beneficial for helping us all to understand race relations in America.

dm
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The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was promoted to Congress and the public by President John F. Kennedy prior to his assassination. Kennedy made a civil rights speech to the country in 1963 after Governor George Wallace made his famous stand against integration at the University of Alabama. Kennedy “called on Congress to pass legislation dismantling the system of segregation and encouraged lawmakers to make a commitment ‘to the proposition that race has no place in American life or law.’” (Canady, 1998, p. 1) The purpose of the Civil Rights Act was to outlaw racial segregation in schools, public places and employment. To better appreciate the need for such a law, one must examine events in America that led up to the Civil Rights Act.

In 1857, the Supreme Court decided in Dred Scott v. Sanford that a freed slave named Dred Scott was not a U.S. citizen because the U.S. Constitution considered Black people to be property instead of slaves. Scott wanted to be considered a citizen because he had been in Illinois for four years after being transported to the United States as a slave. The Court decided that Blacks were property and not entitled to the same legal status given to Whites (Dorsey, 2008).

In 1863, President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation freeing the slaves in the Confederate States as the Civil War was coming to an end. The Thirteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified in 1865 which outlawed slavery nationwide. It was during the Reconstruction era that many believe the controversy surrounding affirmative action began. It was during this time that the Civil Rights Act of 1866 was passed, the Freedmen’s Bureau was created, and the Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. The Fourteenth Amendment was intended to help transition former slaves to full citizenship by affording citizenship to all persons naturalized or born into the United States (Dorsey, 2008).

There were several Supreme Court cases in the following years that would dramatically impact race perceptions and relations. In 1896, the Court ruled in Plessy v. Ferguson that if a race was inferior to another then the Constitution could not make them equal. Mr. Plessy was a man who was 7/8 White and 1/8 Black. He wanted to ride the railroad car for Whites but the court ruled that his Black blood made him a Colored man and he was not lawfully entitled to the privileges of Whites. In doing so, the Court introduced the separate-but-equal legal doctrine (Dorsey, 2008). In The Negro Educational Review, Dana Thompson Dorsey states, “The United States Supreme Court had an opportunity in Plessy v. Ferguson to deem the practice of race separation an illegal act, especially in light of the recent enactment of the Fourteenth Amendment, but instead the Supreme Court chose to make the doctrine of separate-but-equal the law” (p.14).

In 1927, in the case Gong Lum, et al. v. Rice, et al., the Court ruled that a young girl of Chinese descent was not entitled to attend a White high-school because she was a member of the Yellow race and was therefore, Colored (Dorsey, 2008). Between 1936 and 1950 there were several cases in which the Court began to turn the tide and held that Black students should have access to the same opportunities to pursue higher education degrees as Whites. According to Dorsey, “The Supreme Court held that the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment entitled Black students to equivalent facilities and an education equal to that of White students” (p. 17).

A landmark decision was found in 1954 in the case of Brown, et al. v. Board of Education of Topeka, et al. The Supreme Court determined that separating Black and White students negatively affected the motivation of the Black students to learn. Dorsey says, “The Court finally confirmed the abysmal impact of segregation, inclusive of the inequitable resources, and unfair treatment. The fact remained that since slavery, Black children and White children were segregated by legal policy, practice, and educational opportunity. Black people were made to feel inferior for hundreds of years – especially in education” (p. 18). Within a couple decades, Southern school districts were more integrated than any other districts. However, state laws were not changing to conform with the new Court ruling (Cascio, Gordon, Lewis, Reber, 2007).

After Kennedy’s assassination, President Lyndon Johnson worked to pass the Civil Rights Act of 1964. “In general, it prohibits an employer or organization from discriminating against individuals because of their race, color, religion, sex, or national origin. Additionally, Title IV of the Act permits the United States Attorney General to investigate school districts and university systems that may be engaging in racial segregation” (Dorsey, 2008, p. 18-19). By 1965, the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare was calling for school districts to submit plans for desegregation or evidence that a plan was not needed (Cascio et al, 2007).

The desire to prevent racial prejudice created another possibility: Would rejecting the racism of America’s past create a new problem of race-based preferential treatment? Referencing the Civil Rights Act of 1964, U.S. Congressman Charles T. Canady wrote, “Senator Hubert Humphrey of Minnesota – the chief Senate sponsor of the legislation – stated it as clearly as possible: Discrimination was any ‘distinction in treatment given to different individuals because of their different race.’” (Canady, 1998, p. 4)

Canady continues, “While considering the Civil Rights Act of 1964, Congress itself debated the issues of racial preferences and proportional representation. The result of that debate was the adoption of Section 703(j) of the Act, which states that nothing in Title VII of the Act ‘shall be interpreted to require any employer…to grant preferential treatment to any individual or group because of the race…of such individual or group’ in order to maintain a racial balance.’” (Canady, p. 4) “There are currently more than 160 federal laws, regulations, and executive orders explicitly requiring race- and sex-based preferences” (Canady, 1998, p. 4).

However, many believe that the intent of the Fourteenth Amendment was to provide equity for African-Americans and unless there is equality for all then affirmative action programs must remain (Dorsey, 2008).

References

Canady, C. (1998). America’s struggle for racial equality. Policy Review, 42-47.
ERIC. EBSCO. Chambers Library, Edmond, OK. 7 Sep. 2009

Cascio, E., Gordon, N., Lewis, E., Reber, S. (2007). From Brown to busing. University of Kentucky Center for Poverty Research Discussion Paper Series, DP2007-05. Retrieved September 7, 2009, from http://www.ukcpr.org/Publications/ DP2007-05.pdf. 1-53

Dorsey, D. (2008). An examination of the legal debate regarding race-based education
policies from 1849 to 1964. The Negro Educational Review, 59, 7-26

What are your thoughts about race relations in America?

MBHS: The Trouble With Self-Improvement

I remember the words of that great philosopher, David Lee Roth:

"Well that's the trouble with self-improvement,
Only I know when it's time to quit!"*

The real problem with self-improvement is that, with the exception of Mr. Roth, there is no stopping point for the rest of us. There is always room for improvement.

You may have a perfect balance in your life of continuous self-improvement without going overboard. Or, you are like the rest of us.

If you are like the rest of us, your particular problem with self-improvement lies in one of two areas:

1. You are oblivious to your need for self-improvement.

Nobody really thinks they are perfect, but you have never developed a sense of self-awareness to think about the areas of your life that need improvement and how you might go about improving them. You trudge along in life satisfied with yourself while driving those around you to their breaking points.

2. You are painfully aware of your need for self-improvement.

Self-awareness never seems to come in the perfect dose. For some reason it is an all-or-nothing pill. Those who are really self-aware are constantly thinking of areas for improvement and become insecure, narcissistic, and tend to engage in all-or-nothing self-improvement projects.

Here are some suggestions for personal development (Mr. Roth excluded):

1. Reflect and analyze.

Go ahead an engage in self-analysis and reflection. Ask your friends, family and co-workers where you can improve. Get ready for the painful truth and don't argue with them - just listen and absorb. Take time to do some soul-searching about what you hear.

2. List and prioritize.

Categorize what you have heard as well as your own thoughts and list them. Make a goals list of areas of your life you would like to improve. Prioritize the list into the most urgent and most important areas of need. Serious health issues and destructive behaviours should be at the top of the list. Important relationships should also be given importance.

3. Pick and choose.

Start working on becoming the best version of yourself possible. But remember...you can't do everything all at once. Don't bite off too much. Trying to do too much will cause you to be frustrated and feel like you are failing. That will only cause you to relapse into the old you.

4. Reflect and analyze...again.

Self-improvement is a continuous process. Re-evaluate your progress and whether or not you have the right priorities and the right balance. Input from loved ones and trusted friends will be helpful again.

5. Enjoy the new you.

Who knows, you may join the ranks of David Lee Roth and no longer need improving.

What is your greatest self-improvement struggle?

dm

*Lyrics from "A Little Luck"

Body: The Man Who Invented Exercise

Fifty years ago (1949) Jerry Morris invented exercise.

The Financial Times did a tremendous story about him here.

He received data after WWII that people were dying of heart attacks in dramatic numbers. In one survey he noticed that of London busmen, drivers had a much higher instance of heart attacks than conductors. After observing their work he noticed the drivers were sedentary while the conductors were very active climbing as many as 750 steps a day.

And exercise was born.

“For the first time in history,” says Morris, “the mass of the population has deliberately got to take exercise. It’s a new phenomenon, which is not appreciated.”

The article continues...

His voice becomes high-pitched with outrage: “Just imagine, what historians in the future are going to say about the way we’ve allowed this epidemic of childhood obesity. ‘Disgrace’ is a sort of mild word.”

So what can you do to honor this man who is turning 100 as well as your own body?

1. Cardio

Walking is fantastic. Do something to get off your butt and get your heart rate pumping to reduce fat increase heart health.

2. Resistance

Strength training helps build your muscles and bone strength while reducing fat. Weight training and resistance bands can be used to help you accomplish this.

These are the foundations of exercise. Build well.

What do you do to exercise? If nothing, why not?

dm

Body, Heart: Social Distancing is the New Rage

Thanks to the H1N1 virus, better known as the Swine Flu, disaster preparedness experts are kicking into high hear. The U.S. government recently predicted that up to 50% of citizens could contract the virus and between 30,000 to 90,000 people could die this flu season. Universities are already seeing H1N1 outbreaks on campus.

Thus comes the new rage of the season: Social Distancing.

According to socialdistancing.org:

“Social Distancing plans are based on the scientific knowledge of how the influenza virus spreads. This knowledge is then applied to the activities of life to reduce the risk of exposure.”

Many companies, churches, universities, schools and other public settings are already enacting some Social Distancing tactics. Others are planning for actions to take in case of an epidemic or pandemic of the H1N1 virus.

Some actions already being taken include:

- Limiting or eliminating unnecessary face-to-face meetings
- Putting more space between participants in meetings and classes (3 ft min.)
- Limiting travel
- Providing antiseptic wipes and antibacterial gels
- Encouraging frequent hand-washing
- Eliminating use of community items such as group ink-pens, mints, snacks, etc

Future actions suggested in the case of a serious outbreak include:

- Canceling non-essential public meetings
- Working from home (telecommuting)
- Eliminating non-essential travel
- Avoiding public transportation
- Avoiding public recreation activities

Every business leader, manager, teacher, trainer, and worker should consider how an outbreak would affect their business, social and personal environments and be prepared.

However, we should not let fear overtake our lives.

Are you or your company enacting Social Distancing plans?

dm

Mind: Realities of Success

I have read several articles lately about the myths and realities of success. This has caused me to reflect on the successes, failures and continued struggles for "success" in my life.

Here are my thoughts:

1. Success must be defined individually. The word "success" usually brings to mind thoughts of cash, sports cars, exquisite homes and luxurious vacations. For most, however, it is more simple. Just enough will do, thank you. Maybe it means just enough time to stay at home with the kids or just enough cash to work part time. Don't accept anybody elses definition of success. Create your own definition.

2. Your individual definition of success is probably wrong. You just don't know it yet. You think you have accurately defined what will make you blissful. But you probably haven't.

3. Success is a constantly moving target. Number 2 is true because there are three kinds of people in the world. The first kind never think of these things and therefore never create a definition of success. The second think of these things but never make the effort to create their own definition. They don't get that specific.

The third kind are people who think deeply about these things and and will work through their definition of success. The problem with Group Three people is that they are thinkers and do-ers. Therefore, they are always analyzing and pursuing. Once they reach their stated definition of success (in fact, probably before they even get there) they have redefined the definition to create a new target.

The new definition of success includes one of two changes: It is either more of the same of the original definition or includes a new category to the definition.

This process can be healthy or unhealthy depending on the person and circumstances. It causes three possible scenarios:

a) Pushes them to greater achievement
b) Creates constant dissatisfaction
c) Creates a history of unfinished projects and dreams

What does success mean to you?

dm

Mind: Marketing Through Social Media

The Mind tag on this blog is about learning.

If you want to learn how to use twitter to market your brand or product I just ran across the perfect example.

Nature's Path Foods is an organic food company. I have been moving toward a more organic diet. We are at about 40% and increasing.

Yesterday I twittered about how my kid's were asking for organic toaster pastries instead of pop tarts because they tasted better. I thought that was cool.

Now I will walk you through what Nature's Path did right and what you can learn from it for your social media marketing efforts.

1. They utilized auto-alerts. They have an alert for "organic" and probably "toaster pastries" and/or "pop tarts" so they are notified when something hits the twitterverse or blogosphere that might be useful in their marketing efforts.

2. They posted something not necessarily about them. I did not mention Nature's Path in my tweet. The mere fact that my kids thought organic tasted better than pop tarts was good enough for them to retweet the post.

3. They interact with their customers. When I saw that my comment was retweeted I went and looked at their twitter page out of curiosity. I saw that they interacted in a very smart way with their customers.

4. They got good results. I asked my wife, "What brand were those organic toaster pastries?" She said, "Nature's Path."

Since I thought they were a smart company, I tweeted about the company again and mentioned their name and am now writing a blog post about both the quality of their products (yummy) and the brightness of their marketing department.

I am not being paid for nor was I asked to post about this company or product.

What do you think about social media marketing?

dm

Heart: Touring Oklahoma-Tenkiller Plus

Last weekend our family did more of our Oklahoma State Park excursions. We made Lake Tenkiller our base as our friends the Ashford's hooked us up at their lake house. You can check out the details at the McLaughlin Adventures blog.

dm

Body: The Perfect Day of Weight Loss

This post is adapted from a segment on Jillian Michaels' former radio program on KFI 640 AM on July 5, 2009. It is only adapted in the sense that the information here is categorized a little better and to condense the information. Jillian tends to talk in a more scattered way. (But of course I love her and miss her radio show terribly!)

This assumes you have a life with a job and kids, etc. It also assumes you are eating clean (whole, healthy and preferably organic) foods.

Exercise

- One hour of intensity training (nothing less and notice the word intense)

- This could be broken up into two thirty-minute sessions if necessary but one full hour is optimal.

- If you can only workout during lunchtime then do that and eat at your desk while working.

- It’s hard to be motivated to workout in the evenings, so working out with a partner or in a class helps your accountability if you are working out then.

- While at work be mindful of your activity level. In addition to your workout, be NEAT (Non Exercise Activity Thermogenesis). This means that you not only park far away in the parking lot and take the stairs, but you also stand when possible, deliver messages in person instead of using the phone, email or interoffice mail, walk during breaks, and look for other ways to increase activity at work. If you are very conscious in this regard you can burn an extra 300-500 calories per day. This takes effort though.

Eating

- Eat every four hours. Three meals a day and a snack.

- You must be counting calories. Roughly 1400 for girls, 1800 for boys. 30% of those calories each for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The rest for snacks.

- Caffeine in your day helps cognitive function. Up to 200 mg of caffeine. No caffeine after 3 pm.

- A high-quality multivitamin each day to support metabolism.

- 60-80 ounces of water per day.

- NO processed foods!

- Get up in the morning and eat breakfast. Don’t skip it or you will be hungry before lunch and it will cause your body to release hormones that fight against your weight loss.

- If you don’t have time to eat before an early morning workout have a protein shake with a little banana for your carbs. Use whey protein-no soy unless it is fermented. (Whey Protein Isolate with branch chained amino acids (BCAA’s) is more expensive but it is the best.)

- Otherwise, a good breakfast is protein and carbs: egg whites and whole grain toast, or oatmeal and organic yogurt, or an Ezekiel English muffin with some almond butter.

- Lunch should be a protein and a carb. Examples: blackbean grilled veggie burrito, or grilled fish tacos and black beans, or whole foods sushi and brown rice, or grilled chicken salad and keenwah. Unlimited green vegetables are ok assuming they are cooked appropriately (not soaked in butter).

- No carbs for dinner. They release insulin before bed and inhibit your ability to release human growth hormone which works against your weight loss efforts.

Results:

- Women would probably lose about 2-5 pounds a week.

- Men would easily lose 5 or more pounds a week.

- This assumes you are really watching calories and doing ALL of the above.

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My I also highly recommend Jillian's book, Master Your Metabolism.

dm

Heart: Thank You For Being A Friend

Friendship is on the decline.

I remember my grandparents had deep friendships with people who would come over to their house for hours and just talk. If anyone had a problem or a need there was no question that there were a multitude of people ready and willing to sacrifice to meet the need.

My parent’s generation was a little different. There were still many friends but they did not spend as much time together. It seemed like everyone was so busy. Maybe it was the difference in their ages. They were working. They still knew they had friends who would pitch in and help when needed, but “we probably shouldn’t bother them.”

My generation (or maybe it’s just me) doesn’t have so many friends. We have acquaintances and call them friends. We wouldn’t dream of sharing our real needs with most of those acquaintances because we want to impress them with our independence or don’t want to bother them.

You may be thinking, “I have a lot of friends!”

Really? Well, you might. But let’s ask ourselves a few questions to see what a real friend is.

1. A friend knows the names of your family members. If your acquaintances can’t name your spouse and/or children, they don’t know enough about you to qualify as a friend.

2. A friend tells you the truth. The truth hurts. Acquaintances are nice. They will tell you what you want to hear or what they have to say to get along. But your friend will tell you what you really need to hear whether you like it or not. And when you hear it from them-you know it's true.

3. A friend knows your birthday. They don’t have to buy you presents…but they sing.

4. A friend keeps in touch with you. I have a thousand “friends” that if I never called them I would never talk to them again. Sadly, I am sure there are people who could say the same of me. True friends know the phone rings both ways, and they use it. (Social Networking tools are wonderful for keeping in touch but do not replace meaningful conversations.)

5. A friend keeps their piehole shut. You tell them serious stuff about your life and it dies with them. No exceptions.

What does being a friend mean to you?

dm

This article is edited. In my original post the following was #2. But a day later I changed my mind.

2. A friend has been to your home. This one stings and I am sure you want to argue with me. Heck, I may even be wrong. But I am talking about deep friendships. The kind that come from spending real time with each other. Not coffee breaks.

dm

MBHS: What's Good For the Soul

"A bad day for your ego is a great day for your soul."

- Jillian Michaels (trainer from The Biggest Loser)

I am reading Jillian Michaels' book Mastering Your Metabolism. As she was telling part of her own life story she told about an experience she had that dealt a blow to her ego but taught her a tremendous lesson. She then wrote the above quote.

As I read it my head began to swim with the incredible power and truth of that statement on so many levels. (Then I twittered it.) So many times we do not want to hear what hurts our feelings but that is exactly what we need to hear.

I can reflect on my own life and realize that those ego-crushing moments were the best for my soul.

How does your ego effect your soul?

dm

MBHS: Knowing When To Quit

I've always believed that sometimes you should quit. But not usually.

However, many times it is SO HARD to keep going.

Michael Hyatt wrote one of the best blog posts I have ever read about quitting. Please go read it.
My favorite line I took as a piece of advice:

I have a written list like this for every important area in my life. If I get stuck and want to quit, I pull out the list and start reading through it. Immediately, it gives me perspective and energizes me. It makes it possible to silence the voices and get my head back into the race.

Go read it. What are you waiting for?

dm

MBHS: Touring Oklahoma

This blog will be about four things: Mind, Body, Heart and Soul.

Mind=your thoughts
Body=your health
Heart=your relationships
Soul=your spirit

Last weekend our family and some friends went on an excursion to visit several state parks in Oklahoma. It is part of a long term mission to visit all 50 parks.

In this one outing I realized that we were exercising all four parts of my mission.

Our minds were exercised by learning about parts of our state we had not seen as well as learning about bats, caves and other new things. We also were able to clear our heads through the experience.

Our bodies were exercised through the hiking and the relaxation.

Our relationships were strengthened as we bonded with family and friends.

Our souls were nourished as we rested, relaxed, laughed and enjoyed God's creation.

My last post was about recording your memories. My family has a blog where we record those memories and we posted some of them there. I would encourage you to experience Oklahoma's State Parks or the parks where you live and exercise your mind, body, heart and soul.

dm

Heart: Back Up Your Relationships

One of my best friends from high school died unexpectedly recently. Tim had shoulder surgery and then went home to recover and died from a blood clot.

I had not talked to Tim since high school until our twentieth reunion a couple years ago. We have been going to lunch together every other month since then. It was great to reconnect with him and now I am thrilled that I had the opportunity.

My wife and I were at his house over the weekend visiting his family and were looking at a scrapbook full of pictures from his life. As I looked at his senior pictures I saw the Tim I remembered from high school and then was struck with a deep sadness.

I wasn’t sad that Tim was gone. I know he is with his Savior. I am sad for the loss and grief that his family is experiencing. But that is not what I was thinking about at that moment.

I was sad that I did not have any pictures to look at that would remind me of all the things we did growing up. My wife used to take a lot of pictures of her friends and herself during school and all of the activities they used to do. She has picture albums filled with those pictures.

I never did that. Maybe it’s because I’m a guy. That’s not what we do. But now I wish I had.

And it’s not just because of Tim. There are many other people I have lost over the years far too soon. I wish I had pictures of Ed, Jeff, Tim, and others.

Tim had a computer store. He knew the importance of backing up your data. Please let me encourage you to back up your memories and suggest a few simple ways.

1. Take pictures.

You can use film and picture albums or scrap booking, or go digital with your digital phone or camera phone. But don’t forget to back up your data. Last week I had a software glitch that wiped out about one hundred photos off my phone. Thankfully I had them backed up.

2. Take video.

Flip Video rocks. But you can use a regular video camera, digital video, or again, your cell phone. But back up your media. Those old vhs tapes may be getting ruined, especially if they are stored in your attic.

3. Make a diary.

You can write down stories and memories in an old fashioned hand written format or on a blog or other electronic format. But again-back up your data. It is possible your blog or web host may accidentally lose all of your data or get hacked and all of your memories have vanished. Also be sure that you do not post any information online that could ruin your career or hurt other people!

Whatever you do-record your memories. Someday you will be happy you did.

How do you back up your memories?

dm

Pretty New Colors

I've been playing with the look of this blog. What do you think?

dm

Soul: Five Levels of Pleasure

This is an example of the types of blog posts to come at this blog in 2010. Every post will be categorized as Mind, Body, Heart or Soul (there will be a couple other categories explained later).
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Five Levels of Pleasure

According to an article at aish.com there are five levels of pleasure. An analogy is made to expanding the classes of seating on airplane beyond two or three (First Class, Business Class and Coach) to five.

The fifth and lowest class or level is not meant to be a bad level. After all, it is still pleasurable. However, many people stop at the easiest levels to pursue. Instead, we should realize there are greater levels of pleasure.

The Fifth Level

“Fifth class pleasure is the most basic and available.” The basics.

These are things we can experience by the five senses. Food, clothing, shelter, sex, etc. These things are to be savored and enjoyed. We can be energized by these items or we can be degraded and brought down by them. The key is to experience them in their proper contexts. God created them all for our enjoyment.

The Fourth Level

No amount of fifth class pleasure can purchase fourth class pleasure-Love.

Love is not infatuation or something you fall into. True love is a commitment based on knowledge. “The Talmud defines love as the emotional pleasure we get when focusing on the virtues of another.”

Most of us would not trade our children for $10 million yet can find it difficult to spend quality time with them. We love them at the most important level-we would not trade them for any amount of money-but we do not always value them enough to realize that our minutes with them are ticking away for free.

The Third Level

If you would not trade your children for $10 million, then what would you knowingly trade them for?

A Cause. The need to do the right thing. Self-sacrifice.

Imagine that terrorists have taken a plane hostage and they turn to you: "Kill all the other passengers, or we will kill you and your children."

You still cannot do it. You cannot kill innocent people even if it means saving your own family. You'd rather die.

“If you don’t know what you are willing to die for, then you haven’t begun to live.”

Most people settle for “not being bad” or for “looking good” rather than “being good.” To do real good in the world takes tremendous effort and self-sacrifice but also brings great pleasure.

The Second Level

Second class pleasure is the pleasure of creativity. Creativity with power that does not control.

A tyrant uses power to control others. An artist uses creativity to create something beautiful. Second class pleasure combines the two forces to create something that it has no control over. A leader can create a team or group that produces results without exerting dictatorial control. Parents can create families that model values and morals while raising adults and setting them free into society.

The First Level

First class pleasure is the ultimate of all pleasures. An encounter with God.

The key to such an encounter is an attitude of gratitude. Humility and gratefulness to the creator of the universe for creation, existence and salvation.

To experience such pleasure is to travel first class.

dm

3.0 on the Way!!!!

copied from Voyage Radio 2.0
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I have really enjoyed doing Voyage Radio 2.0, especially the interviews. When we finished the Original Voyage Radio I knew I didnt want to quit but wanted to continue doing the podcast in some way thus came 2.0.

I have been taking a teaching sabbatical at church this year and have been re-thinking my future. I do not have everything figured out but it is halfway over and I have figured out a few things.

Part of it is that I am going to be doing a new blog and podcast starting in January 2010 with a whole new look and vibe. It will be centered around my new mission statement.

Everything will be found at http://davidbmclaughlin.blogspot.com/

Be sure to go bookmark it now so you won't forget to get on board. More announcements coming soon!

dm

Executive Decision

I have made a big decision in my life. This blog will become my main blog January 1, 2010. More info to come.

Subscribe now to stay tuned.

dm

Hold 'Yer Tater!

Not sure what I'll do with this blog but I figured it was my name so I'd better grab it.

In the meantime, you can visit my twenty other blogs by clicking on my profile over on the right. I post the most on the Voyage Blog.

dm