Health Update

Category: Personal

I was so excited about the launch of this blog at the beginning of the year. I had planned to write a couple articles each week. I have not been able to reach that goal yet and here is why.

I slipped on the ice New Years Eve. I didn't fall. I just slipped a little and jerked myself forward into balance. Didn't really think much about it at the time. Put the kids in the car and went to the mall. Several days later I was in tears from the pain.

I went to my doctor over the next couple weeks and we tried various medicines and shots thinking it was a muscle sprain or mild tear that would heal itself. By mid-January he decided I would need physical therapy to heal.

I began therapy two to three times a week. The pain had become excruciating. Around the first week of February I had a great week and things looked like they were getting better. We all thought I would be finished with rehab soon.

Then the bottom fell out.

The pain resumed with a vengeance. All along I had experienced numbness and tingling in my left arm and hand but now it was getting much worse every day. After another week my arm was almost completely numb and my other arm and both legs would go in and out of numbness. The pain in my neck and shoulders was also becoming unbearable, especially the more active I was or as the day wore on. I was sleeping almost exclusively in my recliner.

Finally, we decided an MRI was needed. Yesterday I had the MRI. Late last night my doctor called and told me I had a ruptured disc in my neck.

The next step is to connect with a neurosurgeon to determine whether surgery is needed or whether a different pain meds/therapy strategy can fix it.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. Please keep them up. I will keep you posted on twitter as decisions are made.

I will blog as I can. When this is all fixed up we will be full steam ahead. In the meantime please take care of your mind, body, heart and soul!

dm

Key Components of Financial Planning

Category: Mind

There are many components to financial planning but they can basically be categorized into three main aspects:

Assessment

In the assessment phase of financial planning you will assess your current financial situation. It is important to know what your current status is so you will know how much work is involved to get to where you want to go.

The first step is in the assessment phase is to determine your Net Worth:

Assets – Liabilities = Net Worth

Assets are the things of value you own. Use the current value, not what you paid for it. Liabilities are the debts you have, official and unofficial.

The second step is in the assessment phase is to determine your current budget. This is an evaluation of your income and expenses. While we think of this most often on a monthly basis, an annual analysis will give you a more accurate picture.

The third step in the assessment process is to determine your future goals. You must know what you want to accomplish so you can lay out a plan for getting there.

Finally, it is important to note that assessing your net worth, budget and goals should be done on a regular basis to determine how appropriate they are for your current situation. It is a good idea to review them at least annually.

Investment

The investment aspect of financial planning could involve saving and investing for many things, such as:

· Retirement
· A home
· College for children
· Major purchases
· Etc

We will focus on investing for retirement. How much of your income should you be saving for retirement?

You should save enough to meet your personal retirement needs and goals. Common estimates are:

Age when saving starts (% of salary to save each year)

20-something (10%-15%)
30-something (15%-25%)
Early 40s (25%-35%)
45 and older (See below)

45 (37%)
46 (41%)
47 (44%)
48 (48%)
49 (53%)
50 and older (58%+)

Management

The final key aspect of financial planning is managing your finances. There are several areas you will want to pay careful attention to:

· Portfolio

· Risk

· Estate

· Taxes

You should manage your investment portfolio by:

· Knowing your risk tolerance

· Monitoring results

· Maintaining balance

You should manage your financial risk by being aware of:

· Investment risk

· Insurance risk

· Legal risk

· Security risk

You should manage your estate by taking care of your:

· Last Will and Testament

· Trust (if necessary)

· Advance Directive (Living Will, DNR)

You should manage your taxes by:

· Dealing promptly with any past tax debt

· Staying current on tax liabilities

· Planning for future tax issues

· Consider consulting a tax professional

The most important thing you can do is take control of your finances and know where you are and where you are going. Always be willing to seek professional help to reach your goals

How confident are you that your financial future is in good shape?

dm

Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip...Get A Job

Category: Mind

Hope you enjoyed the reference to The Silhouettes in the title. Anyway, unemployment is sky-high these days and many people are looking for work. I talk to people regularly who seem to have no clue of the basics of how to find a job.

Enter Harvey Mackay. He has released a new book, Use Your Head to Get Your Foot In The Door.

Mackay owns Mackay Envelope Company and has been a great business man and author for years. I have enjoyed his email newsletters, blog and tweets as long as I have known of him. His advice is rock solid and ahead of the pack.

1. If you are looking for work this book will be worth the investment.

2. If you have a job this book will help you keep yours and position yourself for a promotion or your next great job.

Don't mess around. Just go get this book and read it, study it, love it, live it. Mackay even offers a money-back guarantee if you do not find a job following the principles in his book. How can you beat that?

Why do you think people cannot find jobs today?

dm

Are You Speaking The Right Language in Your Relationships?

Category: Heart

Ahhh…Valentine’s Day. Bliss or Bust depending on your perspective. The season of love is a great time to tale a brief look at what makes relationships successful.

In my humble opinion (which I greatly respect) some of the best analysis on the topic of love and relationships (whether marriage or parenting) has been dome by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages.

The concept is fairly simple but the implications are profound. Determining what to do about it and how to act upon it can be life-changing.

According to Chapman there are five ways people give and receive love, referred to as Love Languages:

1. Words of Affirmation

Receiving sincere compliments and expressions of love are extremely meaningful. Insults and put-downs are devastating.

2. Quality Time

Making time and spending time with the object of your affection is of utmost importance. Missing appointments and appearing distracted shows a lack of sincerity and commitment.

3. Receiving Gifts

Not to be mistaken for materialism, the perfect gift demonstrates thoughtfulness. Forgetting birthdays and anniversaries, however, shows a critical absence of thought.

4. Acts of Service

Vacuuming the floor, making dinner and maintaining the lawn are all serious ways of easing the burdens of the ones we love. Ignoring things that need to be done or making more work for the other person is an emotional withdrawal.

5. Physical Touch

Touch is not all about sex but about hugging, holding hands and being present physically. Inaccessibility, neglect or abuse can be devastating.

There are three important concepts to understand about the Love Languages:

- Knowing your own Love Language helps you understand yourself and realize that you most often communicate using your own Love Language.
- Knowing the other person’s Love Language is critical because they want to be communicated to in their Love Language, not yours.
- How we receive love best is also how we are hurt the easiest.

I suggest that everyone reads The Five Love Languages. You can also take an online assessment to check what your Love Language is most likely to be.

Whether in a marital or parenting relationship, understanding the Love Languages helps us in communicating in a more unselfish way. The more information we have about the objects of our affection the better we are able to do that and the more of the love we have for them they will feel.

How much time do you spend trying to understand those important to you?

dbm

Forgive and Forget?

Category: Soul, Heart

Forgiving involves a singular decision of the will by which you consider another person no longer indebted to you. Tom Eliff, The Red Feather

I remember several years ago when my father-in-law bought a brand new truck for his plumbing business. As soon as he brought it home from the dealer he picked up a long metal pipe and instead of gently placing it in the back of the truck he intentionally slid it in so as to create a long scratch down the bed. I was astonished. When I asked him why he did that he said it was because it was a work truck.

It is impossible to go through life without getting scratched up. We may enter this world shiny and new with a world of opportunity before us but before long we are scratched, bruised and dinged up by the people we encounter. Even the people who love us.

Where there are people there are problems.

Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. Therefore, forgiveness is a requirement of life. What becomes more difficult is determining when to offer the gift of forgiveness and to whom.

There are certain people who need forgiveness:

1. Those who unintentionally harm us.

Sometimes people offend or harm us but do not intend to. An innocent mistake should be forgiven.

2. Those who intentionally harm us with small offenses and do or do not ask for forgiveness.

Occasionally, we all do things that we wish we could take back. Little, stupid things that in the grand scheme of things are not a big deal. These things, even though intentional at the time, should be forgiven whether or not the person asks for forgiveness.

3. Those who intentionally harm us with large offenses, but ask for forgiveness.

Some offenses are serious, dangerous and critical. But at some point the offender recognizes the error and asks to be forgiven. When someone asks for forgiveness, the offended should accept the apology and forgive.

4. Those who intentionally harm us with large offenses but do not ask for forgiveness.

When offenses are serious, dangerous and critical the offender should ask for forgiveness. But they often don’t. There are many reasons they may not. They may be embarrassed, too proud, they may think they are in the right, or they may be oblivious, or even psychotic. Believe it or not it is still in your own interest to forgive. This may require the help of a spiritual advisor, counselor, therapist or other professional help. But holding onto the pain will do more long term damage than forgiving.

You will notice that under these scenarios everyone ends up being forgiven whether they deserve it or not. This is called grace.

When it comes to “forgetting,” we forget what we can and should. Some things we should never forget. Holocaust survivors have been known to forgive those who imprisoned them but we will never forget the evil that was done and will fight to keep it from happening again.

Forgetting also does not mean letting people off the hook. When a crime has been committed it is possible to forgive a person yet require that they pay their penalty to society.

Forgive and forget are not two sides of the same coin. But forgiveness is a requirement for a clear conscience and a peaceful life.

What makes forgiveness hard to do?

dbm

Happy (Belated) Birthday To Me!

Category: Admin

Can you believe I forgot my own birthday?

Well, not exactly. I knew it was my birthday. I just forgot to give you a present.

My plan was to give away free copies of my book for my birthday. But on the big day I was doing a speaking engagement while simultaneously highly medicated due to a shoulder injury and I smooth forgot.

So now a week later (and sober) I remembered. So rather than blowing it off I am still going to give you a free copy of the book I wrote for my 40th Birthday two years and one week ago (so you do the math).

Click here to download your free copy of The 40 Book: Forty Things You Should Know By Forty.

Download will be available until February 3rd.

dbm

I'm Sorry (aka Why I Cussed at My Kids)

Category: Heart

Last night I yelled at my kids. As a matter of fact, I cussed. I have felt like garbage about it for the last 24 hours.

Oh, I could give you my reasons (aka, excuses): I have been in pain for a month because I injured my shoulder. I haven’t slept for a month because I injured my shoulder. My kids were whining incessantly about every little thing. I can’t stand whining because I injured my shoulder. Okay, that last one was a stretch.

It was the first time I ever cussed at my kids. My oldest is thirteen years old, so in one way I guess I had a pretty good run. But the reality is it was a horrible thing to do. I felt horrible.

So I apologized. I apologize a lot to my kids, and my wife, and my friends, and my co-workers. Because I mess up a lot.

Some things call for an apology.

1. Your customer is angry.

Apologize. Whether the customer is wrong or right you can always say, “I’m sorry. Let me see if I can take care of that for you.” The words I most often want to hear in a customer service situation is “I’m sorry” and I am most often left disappointed. Nobody apologizes for anything anymore.

If your plane is an hour late for my flight, tell me you’re sorry.
If you sent me the wrong order, tell me you’re sorry.
If your product is not working correctly, tell me you’re sorry.
And so forth.

2. You hurt someone’s feelings.

It really doesn’t matter the situation. If someone has had their self-esteem injured because of your actions you need to take action and apologize. You may not be able to change the circumstances but you can and should mend the relationship.

3. You didn’t keep your word.

Sometimes we have the best intentions to accomplish a task but are unable to deliver. So apologize. If you didn’t pay…apologize…then pay. If you didn’t show up…apologize…then make it up. The lesson to learn here is to be very careful about making promises you can’t keep.

4. You didn’t step up.

Some things require that somebody step up and accept responsibility or take the lead. Maybe that person was you but you didn’t do it. Once you realize it…apologize to those who were affected.

5. You fell short of expectations.

There are times when you don’t meet the standard. Maybe it was an unrealistic standard imposed by others or yourself. But if it was expected and you did not match the expectation you should apologize.

6. You made a mistake.

You just plain old blew it. Accept responsibility for it. Own it. Don’t make excuses. Say you’re sorry.

The bottom line is that there are far too few apologies in the world. Too many people are looking for excuses or someplace else to lay the blame. People are willing to forgive if they see you are honest and willing to admit mistakes. What they cannot tolerate is someone who will never apologize.

When do you want others to apologize?

dbm

What Is Your Pain Telling You?

Category: Body

Are you listening to your body? It is talking to you. Our bodies are constantly sending messages to our brains telling us what they need.

When your eyes get droopy and you begin to yawn your body is telling you to go to sleep. When you start licking your lips and have that parched feeling your body is telling you to get hydrated. When you begin to shiver you know it’s time to grab a jacket.

It is very important to listen to the messages our bodies send us. They are constantly telling us when we need to eat, stop eating, get out of a dangerous situation, and so forth. But one of the most confusing messages our bodies send us is pain.

There are several things pain can mean:

1. Pain can be the price of excellence.

When working out and exercising the mantra is usually “no pain, no gain.” This is because we are working muscles that don’t get worked very often or we are pushing them to new limits. This is usually a good thing as long as we push ourselves appropriately. Most of us do not push ourselves hard enough in exercise intensity and have little to worry about here.

2. Pain can be the cost of foolishness.

Sometimes “no pain, no gain” turns into “pain and set back.” We can push ourselves too far until we injure ourselves. This is more often through bad form than too much weight or too many repetitions.

Occasionally the foolishness doesn’t come from exercise but from other less than brilliant decisions. Many injuries are from unconditioned “athletes” competing in a pickup game of basketball or flag football or just doing “honey-do’s” like shoveling snow or digging a drainage ditch.

3. Pain can be a warning light.

When we are sick or unhealthy it often manifests itself in some form of pain. We often ignore symptoms or rationalize them away and neglect important medical attention. Sometimes we are concerned about the cost of healthcare while other times we are concerned about a disruption of our busy schedules. If we will deal with pain quickly we will usually recover quicker than we would otherwise.

Whatever your experience with pain, do not ignore it. Listen carefully to what your body is telling you and deal with it quickly.

What causes of pain do you experience most often?

dbm

Why You Should Choose Red Cross For Donations

Category: Mind, Body, Heart, Soul

Several years ago I made what I consider to be an important decision regarding my charitable contributions. I decided that whenever there was a major crisis I would make all of my financial contributions to the Red Cross.

Of course, you are certainly free to give to any organization you choose to. The most important thing is that you realize that you are richly blessed and that you give to those who are in need.

These are the reasons that I choose the Red Cross over other good organizations:

1. Speed-to-crisis

Nobody is faster at getting to a place of crisis than the Red Cross. Whether a home fire in your community, a hurricane in New Orleans or an earthquake in Haiti the Red Cross arrives almost instantly with help. Their worldwide locations and systems for getting to where they need to be are unmatched.

2. Resources

The Red Cross already has much of what they need to get aid started. When you donate you are replenishing supplies they will need in coming days. They do not have to take your donations and go get what they need and then deliver aid. They are delivering aid instantly because they already have the resources they need.

3. Economies-of-Scale

The Red Cross is a large organization. One of the largest. This means they can stretch your donation dollars further than most organizations because they buy in such bulk that they get a better price than smaller organizations do. So your donation gets a bigger bang for the buck than when donating to a smaller organization. As someone with an accounting background this is one of the main reasons I chose the Red Cross.

The most important thing is that you give out of your abundance to help those in need. Please be careful when donating that you donate to a reputable organization that can actually help the people you intend to help.

You can also give to many other organizations throughout the year to groups that accomplish different missions that you may want to support. But in a time of major crisis I believe the Red Cross is your best alternative.

Blogger has made a widget available and I have proudly placed it at the top right of this website to support the Red Cross efforts in Haiti. Feel free to click on it to donate to relief efforts there. You can also text the word HAITI to 90999 to donate $10 via your cell phone bill. As of this writing over $8 million has been donated via 90999 texts.

dbm

The Keys To Unfireability

Category: Mind

The unemployment rate is hovering around 10%. People who have been employed with the same company for years are finding themselves collecting unemployment and learning how to update their resume. Even the most confident of employees are a little nervous about job security these days.

While some companies may not weather the current financial storm there is a way to be sure that you are the last person standing. You want to be unfireable. There are four characteristics that every employee should develop to become unfireable:

1. Be a problem solver.

Are you an employee that creates problems for your employer or are you the one that solves them? Your job is to make your boss’s job easier-not harder. If you find a problem figure out a way to solve it. Be creative and proactive. Don’t wait to be told what to do. Take the initiative. Maybe your boss wants to be asked before you pull the trigger but at a minimum you should bring the problem to their attention along with a solution.

The person who creates problems, drama and never has an idea of how to fix anything will be the one who gets the axe.

2. Be profitable.

In all times, but especially in tough economic times, employers are looking for ways to reduce expenses. If you are someone who does not waste company resources and finds new ways to cut costs you will be a breath of fresh air. Most employees are asking for more perks or have ideas that cost money. Tell your employer where they can save money and you’ll get noticed.

In addition to saving money, make it rain. If you bring in the bacon and fry it up in the pan the company needs you. Bring in more revenue than your co-workers and you will always have a parking spot.

3. Be multi-faceted.

One trick ponies don’t last long when it’s time to start cutting heads. If you have five skills the company needs you will be kept on board when compared to the person who has one or two skills. But you will be cut when compared to the person who has seven (all other things held equal).

Before bad times hit it is in your self-interest to gain all the education and on-the-job cross-training and learning you can earn. The more you know about your company, how it works and how to work what makes it work the more safe you’ll be when the pink slips go out.

4. Be likeable.

If you have been a total jerk to everyone around you for years then downsizing day is the perfect excuse to get rid of you. Be careful who you step on along the way to the middle or the top or wherever you are. It could come back to bite you. Playing nice with others is a job requirement.

Even if everybody else likes you, if the person making the right decisions doesn’t like you then you will be collecting unemployment before you can say “DiSC Profile.”

These characteristics are crucial for getting promotions in the good times and staying employed during the rough times. With stormy weather remaining on the economic horizon you may want to brush up on your unfireableness.

What other characteristics do you think make someone unfireable?

dbm

Why You Should Put Yourself First

Category: Soul, Mind, Body, Heart

There is a common idea in society that it is impolite to go first. We must always put others ahead of ourselves. Parents sacrifice for their children. Spouses sacrifice for each other. Employees sacrifice for their employers.

There are many times that common courtesy does in fact dictate that we let others go first. There are also many times in relationships that we should set aside what we desire and serve the other person. However, there are many times when we must put ourselves first.

We must recognize that we must place ourselves first so that we can be of use to ourselves or others. We can spend so much time tending to the needs of others that we run ourselves ragged and destroy ourselves until there is nothing left.

The fable goes that there was a goose who laid golden eggs every day. Eventually, the goose’s farmer became so greedy he killed the goose to open it up and get all the eggs at once. The moral of the story is that we must take care of the goose so it may continue to lay the golden eggs. If the eggs represent output or productivity then the goose represents each of us as the producers.

If we do not maintain ourselves we cannot continue to give good output. What is the output we want?

- Good work
- Creativity
- Good parenting
- A healthy body
- A refreshed mind
- A renewed spirit
- Healthy relationships

If we are not properly caring for ourselves by putting ourselves first we will run down and give out lacking the capability to produce. What do we start to look like?

- Physically ill or unhealthy
- Emotionally drained
- Critical
- Angry or violent
- Withdrawn
- Depressed
- Weary
- Secretive

To become healthy and whole again we must take the time to place ourselves first so we can then be of good use to others again. Some of the things we need to be doing to reclaim our lives are:

- Exercising
- Eating healthy
- Getting more rest
- Asking for help
- Getting counseling or other professional help
- Canceling non-essential activities
- Reading and learning
- Praying and meditating
- Seeking spiritual guidance

It may feel selfish to take time from other activities and family members to engage in putting yourself first but you are actually doing yourself and them a favor. By putting yourself first you are creating a healthy version of yourself that allows you to be healthier and more productive for the long run.

As Dr. Terry Levy says, “Running yourself into the ground doing good things will put you in the same grave that running yourself into the ground doing bad things will.” It may be that you are wearing yourself out doing virtuous things but you are still wearing yourself out.

God only gave you one body and one life. Use it as wisely as you can.

How do you put yourself first?

dbm

The Axis of Relationships

Category: Heart

There are many kinds of relationships; marriages, families, co-workers, friendships and so on. To have a healthy relationship there are two key components that are required.

1. Acceptance

We must accept others as they are. This part of the axis is one-sided in that it does not require the other party in the relationship to do anything. It only requires thought on our part. It is important to realize that acceptance does not always mean approval. It merely means that you recognize and accept that things are the way they are.

Reality-We must accept that others have their own reality. They have their own experiences even when raised in the same environment as us. Everyone has different life experiences that they bring to the table.

Perceptions-We must accept that others perceive the world differently even when raised in the same environment. No two people are alike and we all have our own way of seeing things.

Decisions-We must accept that others have a right to make their own decisions, right or wrong, good or bad. We do not control them. They have a right to their own life.

2. Communication

This part of the axis requires interaction with the other party. It requires “communion” with another person.

Needs-We must have the courage to share our needs. Each of us have something we need out of a relationship. It is our responsibility to be open and honest about what those needs are.

Listen-We must also have the consideration to listen to the needs of the other party. We must be willing to learn and understand from the other party.

Observations-In the most trusting of relationships we can share our observations of each party with each other. We can challenge and encourage each other to be better or affirm each other as needed.

What are the challenges you face in relationships?

dbm

Seven Building Blocks of Physical Health

Category: Body

Everybody wants to be healthy. Some want it more than others. Some are ignorant about how to be healthy while others lack the discipline to be healthy.

If you are interested in being physically healthy there are essential building blocks for health. You may be strong in some of these areas and weak in others. Improving in any one area will increase your health. Improving in all areas will move you towards a picture of whole physical health.

1. Whole Foods

Your body is not designed to process trisodium phosphate. In fact, my word processor didn’t even recognize that word. How is my body supposed to recognize it? A Snicker is not food. An apple is food. Fritos are not food. Carrots are food. Jelly-beans are not food. Tomatoes are food.

So much of what we eat is processed chemical food-like substances. When the chemicals hit our body our hormone systems go crazy and are confused. Eventually we can do permanent damage to our health.

The solution is to get off of the chemicals and onto real foods.

2. Water

Most of us are severely deficient in hydration. Caffeinated drink products, whether they are coffee, tea or soda, deplete us even further.

Most of us need at least 64 ounces of water a day and do not get close to that. Sodas and fruit drinks are not sufficient replacements. In fact, they add unneeded sugar and chemicals to our diet. Diet sodas are even worse!

The solution is to get off of soda, sports and fruit drinks and on to water.

3. Cardio

Obesity, heart disease, high-blood pressure, diabetes and high cholesterol are just a few chronic problems infecting us today. While these used to be adult problems they are increasingly becoming teen and even child problems. Physical inactivity is a major contributor to these problems.

We should be getting in at least thirty minutes of cardio exercise a day. If all you can do is walk then walk. As you become more fit then increase time and intensity to include running and incline.

The solution is to move. Get off of inertia and get up and move every day.

4. Resistance

Humans lose 5 pounds of muscle every decade after age 30. The number of muscle fibers also decline with age. Bone strength and density decline as we age increasing our risk of Osteoporosis.

Resistance training is exercise that causes your muscles to contract against an external resistance. This can be weight-lifting, push-ups, pull-ups, stretch-bands, etc.

The solution is to increase strength in your muscles and bones through exercise.

5. Organic Foods

Remember those whole foods you started eating? That was a great move to get away from that processed crap. Good for you! But guess what? Unfortunately, most of them are grown with and treated with an enormous amount of dangerous and hormone damaging chemicals.

In fact, worse than some of the stuff you quit eating in your food. But you are still eating it because it is in the food because of the way it was raised or treated. By eating certified organic food you can be reasonably sure that the foods you eat are safer.

The solution is to eat certified organic foods. If you cannot eat all organic make changes where you can.

6. Organic Household Items

In addition to the chemicals in our foods there are many dangerous chemicals in the items all over our homes. They are in our health and beauty items, cleaning products, clothes, furniture, etc.

The fewer chemicals we come in contact with the healthier our bodies will be. Our hormone systems will be able to work easier and can give us a cleaner physical system.

The solution is to purge our home of unhealthy items and replace them with healthy items. If you cannot use all healthy items make changes where you can.

7. Emotional Well-Being

Mental and emotional stress takes a serious toll on our physical health. It manifests itself in many ways including unhealthy habits such as overeating, drinking, drugs, etc.

Many of the other building blocks can help reduce stress such as eating healthy and exercise. You should also develop healthy relationships and maintain a healthy work/life balance.

The solution is to strive for balance in all areas of life.

These seven building blocks can help you in your physical wellness by building on one or more of them in your own life.

Which block do you want to build on and why?

dbm

Why You Should Not Read The Bible This Year

Category: Soul

I have been teaching the Bible for many years. One of the most common New Year's Resolutions I hear is that people want to read the Bible through in one year.

I don't recommend it.

It's not a bad thing. Most people just don't make it. It's actually quite a bit of reading which turns into a lot of guilt which turns into a lot of cramming which turns into giving up or speeding through and not understanding it.

Slow it down.

I suggest two years. If you read five days a week that is about 2.3 chapters a day. Or you can click here for a good three year plan. I think you will get more out of either of those plans.

I also recommend a translation like the NIV over the KJV. I also prefer a translation (NIV, NAS) over a paraphrase (LB, Message). It is good to study up on the differences.

Don't read the whole Bible this year. Try a half or a third.

PS-To hear me teach through the entire Bible check out http://voyageradio.org/. I talk about the differences in translations and paraphrases in Lesson One.

What are your successes or struggles with reading through the Bible?

dbm

Six Reasons You Will Succeed This Year

Category: Mind

According to the USA.gov (“Government Made Easy”) website, the dozen most popular New Year’s Resolutions are:
- lose weight,
- manage debt,
- save more,
- change jobs,
- get in shape,
- go back to school,
- drink less,
- stop smoking,
- reduce stress in general,
- reduce stress at work,
- travel,
- and volunteer.

Generally, most people have stumbled at their resolutions by mid-February and given up completely by late March with the thought of hitting it hard again in the summer which turns into fall which turns into after the holidays which turns into next year’s resolution.

You can dramatically increase your chances for success by following some simple strategies (hope is not a strategy). You will succeed this time because you will do the following things:

1. You will write down your goals.

There is something concrete about putting your goal into writing. Thinking about it is not enough. Writing it down statistically improves your chances on following through on your goal.

(Important note: The often-touted Yale/Harvard study proving the above is likely a myth. However, there is research here proving that it works.


2. You will transform your mind.

You renew yourself by transforming your mind. Once you write down your goal you need to post that goal everywhere. Keep it ever present. Always in front of you. You also need to read, listen to and watch things that support your mission. There are plenty of obstacles and distractions from your goal. Brainwash yourself.

3. Your goal will be a S.M.A.R.T. goal.

Goals must be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-sensitive.

Bad example: “I want to write a book.”

Good example: “I want to write a book on time management that is at least 200 pages in length and have it done by December 16th. I’ll commit myself to writing at least 2 pages every workday until I reach completion.”

Find more information about S.M.A.R.T. Goals here.


4. You will not bite off more than you can chew.

You can only accomplish so much. You will not attempt to ten major goals this year. It is completely unrealistic to lose 100 pounds, quit smoking, change jobs, eliminate all your debt, find a spouse, earn your master’s degree, rebuild a ’57 Chevy, buy a house, win this city for Christ and climb Mt. Everest in one year.

There is a great article here in the Wall Street Journal about how the brain is a muscle that can be overloaded just like any other muscle.


5. You will seek help and support.

You may be embarrassed about needing to lose weight, getting out of debt, quitting drinking, or whatever your personal goal may be. Maybe your goal is to increase your personal wealth. Whatever it is you will need the wisdom and support of others to achieve it. Attempting to do it alone is a sure-fire route to failure.

Be willing to pay for professional assistance if needed. You may even need counseling. Do whatever it takes to make your goal a reality. You are worth it.

A word of caution: While your spouse is always important to your success it is unfair to make them your support system. They are obligated to love you “for better or for worse” and may not feel like they can say the things to you that need to be said so do not put them in that situation.

6. You will focus on the positive.

You will not focus on the things you cannot do but on the things you can do. You will not say, “I will stop eating brownies” but rather “I will eat healthy, whole foods.” “I will stop wasting time” becomes “I will use my time to bond with family and increase my learning opportunities.”

If you apply these six strategies you will succeed. If not, failure looms on the horizon as sure as Groundhog Day. As Harvey Mackay says, “It is not enough to know what to do if you haven’t developed the self-discipline to do it.”

What are your goals for 2010?

dbm

NYD Blog Launch Giveaway!

Category: Admin

In addition to our Twitter giveaway, we are giving a special prize to everyone who stops by this blog on New Year's Day 2010.

You get a free pdf copy of my book, The 40 Book: Forty Things You Should Know By Forty.

Click here to download your free copy on 01.01.2010 only. Tell your friends!

Shortly after my thirty-ninth birthday I started thinking about turning forty. I was driving down the road listening to the radio when I heard about a woman who after turning fifty made a list of the fifty most important things she had learned in life. The only one I remember is, “When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.” You cannot argue with logic like that.

That caused me to start thinking…which is dangerous. What are the forty most important things I have learned in my forty years on planet Earth? So I began to make a list.

After the first few, the list is not in order of importance. I wanted to do a countdown to the most important; but it just did not work. Everything I firmly believe flows from the first two so they had to be first.

I then decided to write a short explanation of each point, put them in a small book, and give it to my kids as a keepsake. As I talked about it to people, many of them said they would be interested in reading it, so I started a blog that eventually became the rough draft for the book.

Here it is. The 40 Book. The forty most important things I have learned in my forty years on planet Earth. Maybe these truths will guide you as they have guided me. This is why I believe these are Forty Things You Should Know By Forty.

Love & Mercy,
David B. McLaughlin

Twitter NYD Contest Giveaway!

Category: Admin

Here is the New Year's Day Twitter Contest.

Everyone who retweet's the message I sent on my twitter account today about this contest will be entered to win this Sigg brand BPA free Aluminum Water Bottle containing our Mind, Body, Heart & Soul logo.

All RT's will be entered into a drawing and one winner will be selected and announced on January 2nd. When announced I'll mail you the water bottle.

Tweet away!

dbm

Factory description below:

Help save the planet while you rehydrate in style with an eye-catching water bottle from SIGG. Made from a single piece of aluminum with an EcoCare BPA-free lining, it's ultra-lightweight (yet rugged and crack-resistant). To minimize unwanted tastes and scents, the inside is lined with a water-based, non-toxic epoxy resin that exceeds FDA leaching requirements.

- Holds 1.0L
- Recyclable & reusable
- EcoCare BPA-free lining
- Lifetime warranty
- Do not freeze

My Favorite 25 Tweets of the Decade

Category: Mind

Here are my 25 favorite tweets I made during this decade (posted from most recent to earliest). Enjoy and then follow me on twitter so you won't miss any during the next decade!

1. Whoever said they were dreaming of a white christmas never had to shovel snow. 12:58 PM Dec 25th from txt

2. When I go to hell there will be no flames. It will be freezing cold winter for all eternity. 8:00 PM Dec 14th from txt

3. Your value is determined by the love you give and the problems you solve. 10:57 AM Dec 13th from txt

4. Tired of hearing about your truth or my truth. There is only THE truth. Truth is that which conforms to reality. 11:13 AM Dec 4th from TweetDeck

5. Just sent my bride roses to celebrate 20th anniversary of our first date. I'd do it all over again. 10:14 AM Dec 2nd from txt

6. If you want to make a different kind of money you need to solve a different kind of problem. 1:08 PM Nov 30th from txt

7. Hope is not a strategy. 3:20 PM Nov 25th from txt

8. There is no such thing as free time. Doug Vrooman 11:41 AM Nov 24th from txt

9. If if's and but's were drives and putts we'd all be on the PGA tour. The late, great Coach John Griffis. 4:59 PM Nov 23rd from txt

10. Character is easier kept than regained. From the movie The International. Lame movie, great quote. 12:59 PM Nov 15th from txt

11. RT @Bryan_Duncan: "I've been tellng ppl God is my Fathr. They don't c the resemblance. That's how I know I'm adopted!" 3:34 PM Nov 14th from txt

12. If hunger is not the problem then food is not the solution. Paula Liotine 2:37 PM Nov 12th from txt

13. Stockdale Paradox: Never confuse faith that you will prevail with the discipline to confront the brutal facts of your current reality. 3:14 PM Nov 10th from txt

14. Just realized my zipper has been down all morning. Nice. So what have you been embarrassed by lately?9:52 AM Nov 3rd from txt

15. Being too busy for the right reasons will put you in the same grave that being too busy for the wrong reasons will put you in. Dr Terry Levy9:05 PM Nov 2nd from txt

16. Understanding does not equal agreement. You can gain understanding without giving consent.3:03 PM Nov 2nd from txt

17. RT @davidbmc Are you living your life based on probabilities or possibilities? Doug Vrooman ...that's right. That is so good I rt'd myself!3:03 PM Oct 16th from Txt

18. 4 health: eat breakfast, eat every 4 hours, don't eat after 9 pm, no carbs in the evening, walk at least 30 mins a day, drink 64 ozs water.1:04 PM Sep 14th from txt

19. You are always creating a mental vision of your future. What does yours look like?6:18 PM Sep 10th from txt

20. after much soul searching I finally decided to give up diet coke. Thanks to @jillianmichaels1:43 AM Aug 9th from txt

21. Passion creates motivation.7:03 PM Aug 5th from txt

22. A bad day for your ego is a great day for your soul. @jillianmichaels brilliant!12:32 PM Aug 4th from txt

23. More Than A Feeling is the greatest song ever. Always makes me feel good.4:51 PM Jul 30th from txt

24. My youngest son just passed out. He's fine now. His dad is trained by the red cross in cpr and first aid. You should be too.11:20 AM Jul 23rd from txt

25. You can only move as fast as the person in front of you. From Dog the Bounty Hunter.7:09 PM Jul 12th from txt

dbm

Help The Other David McLaughlin

Category: Personal

You may or may not be aware that there is another David McLaughlin. Shocked?

He is a well-known bluegrass musician. A dang good one. I have known about him for a long time. He has lost his hearing and been unable to play. He has found a device that returns his hearing and allows him to return to his love and livelihood.

Feel free to donate and find info here:
http://www.thebluegrassblog.com/david-mclaughlin%E2%80%99s-hearing-loss/

dbm

New Years Day Giveaway

Category: Admin

Be sure to tune in on this blog on New Years Day ONLY for a free giveaway-everybody wins. There will also be a contest on Twitter for another giveaway. Tune in 01.01.2010. See ya then!

dbm

Repost: The Perfect Day of Weight Loss

Category: Body

Christmas and all the excuses are over. As you get ready for the fit new you in the new year you may be looking for a healthy eating and exercise plan.

Look no further!

Click here to read The Perfect Day of Weight Loss from Biggest Loser guru Jillian Michaels!

david b mclaughlin

My Gift To You (Limited Time)

Once upon a time my brothers and I travelled the country as a vocal quartet known as The McLaughlin Brothers. We recorded a Christmas album in 1998. My gift to you this Christmas season is a free mp3 of the song What Child Is This available only through Christmas day. Download for free and enjoy the reason for the season.

Click here to listen.

Right click and choose "Save Target As" and save to your computer. Then play from your favorite mp3 media player.

david b mclaughlin

Getting Your House In Order

Category: Mind, Heart

At the end of every year I update a ring-binder that contains vital information relating to my life. My wife and kids know this notebook exists as do my parents and brothers.

Everybody knows where I keep the ring-binder in case of emergency. It’s what I call the “hit-by-a-truck theory.” If I’m hit by a truck my affairs are in order. I believe it is my responsibility to take care of these things.

I firmly believe everybody should have a similar notebook. Because I have a morbid sense of humor I have named the ring-binder “The Death Notebook.” The ring-binder is black and has a sign on front that says “Death Notebook: God-Forbid You Need This But Here It Is.”

People ask me all the time what I keep in it so I thought I would share the gory details. My hope is that you will use the end of this year to put together a notebook of your own. It will give you and your family peace of mind.

What to put in your notebook:

1. Assets

List your assets. The level of detail is up to you but definitely list major assets. I suggest you also list their current fair market value. This does two things. It helps you in step three and helps your loved ones identify items of value if something happens. Assets include real estate, autos, boats, jewelry, equipment, etc.

Also in this category are items of cash and investments including bank and retirement accounts and other investments. List all bank names, account numbers, etc., so that loved ones will know who to contact. You don’t want an unclaimed account left somewhere. Remember safe-deposit boxes.

2. Liabilities.

List your debts. Some of those assets are owned by you and a lender. Be sure to list every lender, account number and how much you owe. This will help in step three and will help your loved ones settle your estate if something happens. Be sure to list any unofficial debts you owe; for example if you owe a person money that is not written in an official bank note. Also list any unsecured debts such as credit cards.

3. Net Worth Calculation

Annually every person should calculate their net worth. This is a simple calculation of their assets (what they own) minus their liabilities (what they owe). This is what you are worth financially. This calculation will do more for you each year than for your loved ones but since you need to do steps one and two for them you may as well do step three for yourself.

4. Insurance

This is where I keep copies of all of my insurance policies: life, home, auto, medical, etc. On this note I have to say, you must, must, must, must, must have life insurance if you have a family. Everybody should at least have enough coverage to bury themselves (minimum of $10,000) but if you have a family you need enough to take care of your family if you are gone. I know way too many people who have died young without life insurance and left their family hurting not only emotionally but financially. You must take care of business. Do not fail on this one. Don’t wait.

5. Last Will and Testament

This is also imperative if you have a family. I don’t care how young you are. You are not invincible. Have a legally drafted will. State what should happen to your children in case something happens to you and your spouse, state what happens to your possessions, etc. I spent 15 years in the ministry and have even seen fist-fights over caskets at funerals. Eliminate the drama as much as you can by stating your desires.

6. Advanced Directive

Don’t make your family decide whether to “pull the plug.” You decide. Write it down. Make it legal. Don’t wait.

Some of the following items are in the “optional” category but I highly recommend them.

7. Medical Information

List your doctors and their contact numbers, medications, allergies, and past medical history. This is useful if you are severely injured and they need this information.

8. Legal Documents

Originals or copies of marriage licenses, birth certificates, children’s identifying information, social security information, etc. Any other important legal contracts or documents people should be aware of.

9. Funeral Plans

This freaks some people out and they think if they write this down they will die. I don’t know why. But write down what you would like done at your funeral. Do you want to be buried or cremated? Do you want your organs donated? (You should take care of that officially also if you do.) Who do you want to speak at your funeral? Where should it be? Where do you want to be buried? What songs do you want sung? What kinds of things do you like or not like at funerals?

10. Your Stuff

Everybody’s life is different. There may be something unique to your life that you need to include that is not on this list. Maybe you want to include a letter to your family and friends or maybe some other important documents. As you assess your notebook each year you may think of other things to include that are unique to you.

What else would you put in your notebook?

david b mclaughlin

New Blog Debuts January 1, 2010

I have been “advertising” that this blog would officially begin January 1, 2010. So what does that mean? After all, I have been posting at this new blog address for months. What will be different?

Here is what the plan is for the blog starting in 2010.

1. Mind, Body, Heart and Soul.

That is what this blog is about. That part has already started but it will be much more noticeable and focused. These are the four main categories of the blog. I have done another post explaining the categories.

2. Frequent and regular postings.

This is the main change you will see. There will be at least two posts a week. There will be approximately two posts from each category each month. There may be extra posts if extra topics come up.

3. Blog graphics redesign.

I was going to wait until January 1 to upload the Mind, Body, Heart and Soul, black and gold graphics but I couldn’t wait because I loved them so much. I already did it. Enjoy.

4. Podcasts and Videoblogs to come.

One thing I have learned in recent years is to not promise what you cannot sustain. I initially wanted to commit to a regular podcast. Since I am not yet sure how taxing the writing will be I will wait to see about the podcast schedule. Someday I will start posting occasional podcasts and videoblogs. Eventually they will appear on a regular schedule.

5. Free Stuff.

I really believe people want, need and love free stuff. I will give stuff away when possible. But feel free to buy stuff too. The more you buy the better college my children will go to. Thank you for your fine support.

My personal mission statement is to fully develop my mind, body, heart and soul and to help others do the same. I am looking forward to partnering with you on our journey!

What do you want from this blog?

david b mclaughlin

Understanding The Categories

Category: Admin

Almost every post on this blog is given a category of Mind, Body, Heart or Soul. Where did these come from and what do they mean?

I wrote a personal mission statement when I was in my twenties that served me well for many years. When I was 41 I decided I was a very different man than I was in my twenties and needed to revamp my mission statement. After several months of labor I came up with the following new mission statement:

My mission is to fully develop my mind, body, heart and soul and to help others do the same.

So, each post is given one of these categories to help myself and the readers develop in these areas.

Mind:

Your thoughts. These posts will be the most diverse. They will deal with areas such as personal development, success, leadership, business, finances, etc. There will be a noticeable theme to most of these posts but it will also be a catch-all category if I want to write about something that doesn’t fit in the other categories. If it makes you think it is a post for the mind.

Body:

Your health. This category is about nutrition, physical fitness, exercise, diet, and other topics that are related to your physical health.

Heart:

Your relationships. These posts are aimed at helping you be a better friend, partner, spouse, son, parent, etc. Interacting and communicating with people in a healthy and effective way is essential.

Soul:

Your spirit. Everyone needs to be restored. There are many aspects to restoration: rest, renewal, forgiveness, spirituality, etc. It is not always about religion. These posts will not always be spiritual in nature. However, readers beware; I am a Christian and this is my blog. I will post a lot of things in this category that are Christian in nature. I cannot post about the soul and leave out this fundamental aspect of my life, thoughts and beliefs. You can tune in or not. But realize that this category is only one-fourth of the content on this blog and every post in this category will not necessarily be about Christianity.

There are two other categories that may appear from time.

Personal:

These will be posts, hopefully few in number, which will be something I want you to know about my personal life. I may let you know about something that has been posted on our family blog or if I break my leg in thirty places from a skiing accident I’ll let you know here. You will also find more of these things out by following me on twitter if you are interested where I also regularly post tweets related to the mind, body, heart and soul.

Admin:

If there is something of an administrative type nature we need to let you know about we will place it in this category.

These are the topics and this is my blog. Please join me for the journey!

david b mclaughlin

What Is Your Value?

Category: Mind, Heart

How do you know what your value is as a person? As an employee? As a partner? As a friend?

One estimate says that if you break down the value of the chemical composition of your body the average person is worth $4.50.

Most people are more like treasured heirlooms which are priceless because of their sentimental value. But how do we know what we are really worth?

There is a difference between your intrinsic and extrinsic values. Every individual has a high intrinsic value. You are valuable merely because you were created by God and have infinite worth. No matter what the circumstances of your birth you were not an accident. You were created for a purpose.

However, each person does not have the same extrinsic value. We bring a different value to the quality of our existence by the things we say and do. We are not all the same. Some people do more with what they are given. Some are given less in life and accomplish a lot. Others are given everything and do very little. Each of us was created for a purpose but we do not all pursue our purpose.

There are two categories through which we can add value to our extrinsic value:

1. The love we give.

The way we care for and show love towards others, whether we know them or not, adds value to our lives. We become more valuable as we give more love to others.

2. The problems we solve.

Some people create problems for others. Other people solve problems. Every job and every relationship is either a solution to a problem or the creation of a problem. When you solve problems for others your value is increased. When you create problems for others your value is decreased.

Your extrinsic value is determined by the love you give and the problems you solve.

How do you make yourself more valuable to others?

dm

The Four Human Needs...and Their Consequences

Category: Mind, Body, Heart, Soul

There have been different lists compiled throughout the years of what the basic human needs of each individual are. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is the most common and most popular.

After much reflection, and a conviction that almost everything can be categorized into groups of four for some reason, I have compiled my own list of the Four Human Needs for your consideration.

1. Security

Every human needs to feel safe. This begins with being cared for as a child having our basic physiological and safety needs met. As we get older we continue the need to feel secure physically but also in more complicated ways such as emotionally and financially.

2. Affection

As infants and children we all need to be nurtured with love and tenderness. As adolescents and adults we need to be affirmed, validated and loved in meaningful and appropriate ways. We need to experience honest words of compassion, concern, adoration and affection. We also need to be involved with appropriate experiences of physicality through touching, hugging and sexual intimacy.

3. Respect

We have a need for social attention and interaction with peers and loved ones. We desire to be honored and appreciated for our accomplishments and efforts. We have a need to create output, work, creativity and productivity. But we have a desire for that output to be recognized, appreciated and rewarded.

4. Restoration

We have a need to rest, relax, recharge and renew. We must be able to refill ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in order to maintain effectiveness. We also have a need to be restored relationally through forgiving others and by being forgiven ourselves.

Each need has some core aspects that are universal to every person. For example, within the need of Security, everybody needs food, clothing and shelter. Within the need of Affection, every person needs healthy relational attachments. Within the need of Respect, every person needs healthy social interaction. Within the need of Restoration, every person needs physical rest.

Within each need every person also has their own unique characteristics and intensities. For example, within the need of Security, one person may need a large financial cushion while another does not. Yet another may need a great deal of emotional security while another does not. Within the need of Affection, one person may have a high sexual libido while another does not. Yet another may need continual words of affirmation while another does not. Within the need of Respect, one person may have a high drive of ambition while another does not. Yet another is extroverted and another is not. Within the need of Restoration, one person may have a high need for physical rest while another does not. Yet another has an easy time giving forgiveness while another does not.

Each component of our basic human needs make us who we are. They define our personality and character. They affect our relationships and careers just as they are affected by our relationships and careers.

The consequences of our basic human needs are critical to understand. When we are lacking in any area of a need, we instinctively act to fill the need in some way. For example, every person has the need for affection. If that need is not filled in some positive and healthy way, the person will act in some way to fill that need. They may find affection through an unhealthy relationship with food, work or relationships. They distort some other aspect of life in an effort to fill a void that is not being filled.

Each of us should examine each category of our needs to see how we manifest our desires of that need, how those needs are being met or not met, and if we are acting in healthy or unhealthy ways to fill those needs.

What other needs do we have as humans?

dm

Give Thanks

Category: Personal

Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.

1 Chronicles 16:8

What are you thankful for?

dm

Banning Christmas...Get Over It

Category: Soul, Heart

At my old blog I would post an annual Christmas rant. I just received this email which will suffice. Thanks to Jennifer.
--------------

Letter from Jesus about Christmas

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5 Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember :

I LOVE YOU,
JESUS
--------------

The only thing I would add is that "Xmas" isn't taking Christ out of Christmas. X is a Greek symbol that storekeepers used to use as a shorthand for Christ.

What do you think about Christmas controversies?

dm

What I Learned During My Sabbatical

Category: Heart, Soul

After being in church my entire life, being involved in serving in the "church" in one form or another since I was 12 years old (literally), serving in full-time ministry for 15 years before moving to secular vocation several years ago, and after teaching and writing bible studies on a volunteer basis for 7 years, I decided to take a one year sabbatical from ministry-related teaching during 2009.

This is what I learned.

1. I was more spent and exhausted spiritually, emotionally and physically than I realized.

I originally thought I was taking a sabbatical because I was a little tired and kind of bored with the class and just needed a fresh perspective after some time off. Wrong. I was severely burnt out but was in too deep to realize it. It probably took four or five months to come to that conclusion.

Lesson learned: You can burn out doing good things just as easily as doing wrong things. (I'm paraphrasing Dr. Levy there. Thanks Jennifer.) Take regular breaks to refresh and renew.

2. I am unhappy theologically.

I know what I believe. I even really do believe what I believe. I don't know that I am even stating this well but I do not necessarily like everything I believe. Don't go freaking out and worry that David is losing it or anything. The bottom line to this point is that I don't like all the answers I have come to. Many of them are unsatisfying to me.

Lesson learned: You can't understand God. Trying to make sense out of everything He does will wear you out and bring you questions that don't have answers other than "trust Him." Sometimes that answer sucks.

3. My future looks different today than it did one year ago.

When I turned 40 I wrote a book. At the end of the book I made a list of all these plans I had. That was a stupid idea. I still believe in making plans and working your plans but sometimes you have a seismic shift in your life that changes everything. I have decided to shift the focus in my writings from ministry-oriented topics to whole-life topics. This is in line with my newly revised mission statement: To fully develop my mind, body, heart and soul and to help others do the same.

Lesson learned: Don't announce plans you cannot sustain.

4. I am a very passionate person.

I have known this for a long time but I see more than ever how it has affected my own life as well as those around me. I wouldn't say I am bipolar, but I am usually a very up person but when I am down I am very down. However, you will probably never know I am down because I was raised to be an entertainer. To quote master lyricist Bryan Duncan, "I was raised on the lessons and the victory speech, and I fought for the standards that I could not reach." The show must go on!

I am becoming more passionate about being honest with my pain, doubts and imperfections. I can't decide if people don't want to hear them or if they are looking at me saying, "Well, duh!"

I also realize that my passion for whatever I am passionate about at the moment can overwhelm others so I have been practicing dialing it back so as not freak people out.

Lesson learned: I can't change the world but I sure do need to change.

5. One year is an arbitrary amount of time to set for a sabbatical.

Everybody keeps asking me when I am going to teach again. This is so kind and makes me realize that I am loved and appreciated. Thank you all for asking! The answer is...I don't know.

I can tell you when it is not. I will not start in January 2010. I will also not start up again teaching Voyage Through The Bible. It is a great program and I may teach it again in the future. If you want to hear it you can download the study guide for free and listen to the lessons online for free at http://www.voyageradio.org/. (If someone else wants to teach it, feel free!)

I have a few ideas of what to teach next kicking around in my head but I am in no hurry and just don't feel up to it yet. Maybe 2010. We'll see. I will not commit to what I cannot sustain. (See how I am learning!?!)

Lesson learned: Don't be pressured by yourself or others into doing what you are not ready to do.

Love & Mercy,
David McLaughlin

What Children Need From Their Parents

Category: Heart

Disclosure: I totally ripped this off from my church's message last Sunday.

What do children need from their parents?

There may be more things, but most things can probably be categorized in the following groups.

1. Compassion

Children need to be loved and cared for tenderly. They need to know parents are concerned for them.

2. Counsel

The main job of a parent is to prepare a child for adulthood. As they grow they can provide the child with wise advice.

3. Confidence

A parent should build their child up. Never in a false way, but allow them to see their strengths and possibilities.

4. Correction

Yes, children make mistakes and parents need to be there to provide correction when needed. However, abuse is not cool.

5. Challenges

Children need to be allowed to feel the pressure of challenges without the stress of perfectionism or unrealistic expectations. You should be slowly giving them more and more responsibility the older they get. This means they get to feel the weight of the consequences for their decisions as well. Resist the temptation to step in and save them.

6. Celebration

Celebrate big and small milestones. Celebrate the important and the silly. One of our family's favorite moments is when our oldest son was very young and he tracked that he passed gas 100 days in a row. My wife made a cake!

7. Consistency

Being a role model for your children is vital. They will do what you do, not what you say. So be consistent. This is what makes being a good parent the hardest job on the planet.

Recommended books: The two books I always recommend on parenting are Parenting With Love & Logic and If Jesus Were A Parent.

What do you think children need from their parents?

dm

The See-Saw Manager

Category: Mind, Heart

I had a thought today. Scary, I know.

Good managers are like see-saws.

Take a look at the picture of the see-saw. What do you notice? Look hard. Take mental notes.

Here is what you probably didn't notice. The item managing the entire see-saw is that little triangle right in the middle of the see-saw. It supports and balances the structure and function of the see-saw.

A good manager does not make themselves the center of attention. They are the balancing act between the company and the employee. They are bringing the interest of the company to the attention of the employee and the interest of the employee to the attention of the company.

When the manager does a good job they are not really noticed and everybody is having a great time. But when things are out of balance some one's butt is going to hurt.

What do you think of the see-saw manager concept?

dm

The Barriers To Change

Category: Mind

The innovations of change can be difficult to implement because of barriers to change. There are many barriers:

a) Change is uncomfortable for people.

This is the main reason people resist change.

People are comfortable with the familiar. When you move them out of their zone of familiarity they are afraid of what will be waiting for them. People become locked into habits and old ways of doing things whether they make sense any more or not. People will hold to old methodologies just to avoiding learning a new skill or new piece of equipment. Once change is adopted, they often look back and wonder how they ever did things the old way.

b) The influence of others.

Even if you are open to change those around you may not be.

Negative attitudes are contagious. Since most people do not like change, the mere thought of change causes them to complain and voice every conceivable reason the change might not work.Unfortunately, this negative attitude can have a detrimental affect on those who may have viewed the change favorably in the beginning. They may begin to doubt whether or not change is a good idea. While it is possible for a positive attitude to overcome a negative attitude, it is much easier for a negative attitude to bring down a positive attitude.

c) Competing priorities.

To effectively change one must be focused on change.

Even when change is viewed favorably, it is difficult to accomplish because there are many things that distract us from accomplishing the mission of change. It is easy to fall back into the old way of doing things. It is easier because it is familiar. The new way has not yet been mastered so during a "time-crunch" we will go ahead and do things the old way "this time." However, this prevents us from truly implementing the new method or system which prevents real change from occurring.

What are other barriers to change?

dm

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dm

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Mind, Heart: Can You Teach People to Care?

The president of the company I work for and I are locked in a vicious battle of words. OK, actually we briefly discussed a topic once and he brought it up again to me yesterday because he mentioned it in an article he wrote and he knew I would disagree.

He was right. I still disagree even though he outranks me. But he is still better looking than I am so really, he wins anyway.

Here is his premise: You cannot teach people to care.

My premise: Oh yes you can.

Let me attempt to prove my point. My real job is that of a corporate trainer. In the training world we recognize that there are three learning domains for which we can train people: attitude, skills and knowledge (a.s.k.). Caring is an attitude, and to some extent a skill. Therefore it is something that we can train people for.

As a trainer we would analyze it like this--There is a current state (lack of caring) and a desired state (caring). What is in the gap? The attitude of caring. So we would set about training the people who need to be trained (the apathetic) to care.

Now the BIG question is, HOW do you train someone to care?

That is actually the easiest part! In training it is step one of any course you design and any presentation you make.

WIIFM--What's in it for me?

If you can explain to the participant how caring benefits them then you have taught them to care. Notice I said IF you can explain how caring benefits them. It isn't automatic.

Everyone is motivated by different things so you will have to find what motivates each person. You do not have to motivate them. You should never spend your energy motivating other people. Their motivation will run out and you will have to do it again. Instead, find out what motivates them and connect it to why they should care.

Example: Susan doesn't care about her customers. She thinks they are all stupid. She gives lousy customer service.

You want Susan to care so you help Susan see WIIFM (or WIIFS-What's In It For Susan).

By talking to her you find out that Susan likes her home and car and wants to keep them. In order to keep them she needs a job. She has two options, she can find a new job or keep her current job. To keep her current job she is required to give great customer service. So she begins to care about the same thing you care about.

OR--she decides that she hates this job and wants to change oil for a living. So she quits and leaves. AHA! (See-you can't teach people to care!) Wrong! Susan still cares. She just cares about what SHE cares about. What's In It For Susan. She still wants to pay her bills. She just doesn't care about what YOU care about. (Great customer service.)

But remember the point of the training? To care. Now, if you want to do training on great customer service, then that is an entirely different objective. That is a skill. Which is something else you can train for.

Do you think you can train someone to care?

dm